


new

by orphan_account



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Choi Yeonjun-Centric, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Platonic OT5, Platonic Relationships, kang taehyun is a confident gay, kind of a disbandment au? but there's also a reunion, like so minor that if you blink you might miss it but they're in love, make that an official tag you cowards, minor beomkai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24931645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: yeonjun still reflects on the scandal that rocked bighit three years ago with a tremendous amount of regret, but time brings growth, and change is written in the stars. so maybe-- just maybe-- everything will be alright.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun & Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai, Choi Yeonjun & Kang Taehyun, Choi Yeonjun/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 17
Kudos: 90





	1. part 1

yeonjun sits inside the convenience store, the neon green lights glaring down on his midnight cup of ramen. on the counter he's sitting in front of, there lies a stack of various magazines and newspapers, with a few tabloids sitting on top.

yeonjun stares at the celebrity magazines for a few moments before he lets out a bitter laugh. he should have expected this, not being able to escape the reminders of that day, but still, his intuition screams at him to turn his head away.

he can’t.

he examines the “dispatch” emblem in the center of the page, the space under it brandishing the headline: “korea’s sweetheart caught with mystery boy!”

eerily similar to that title, that one headline that he can still remember, for it was plastered all over the media in the months following the explosion.

“the scandal of korea’s once ‘lovely’ boy, bts’ successor’s relationship sparks controversy!”

yeonjun scoffs out loud just thinking about it, chopsticks spinning around in his ramen. he pulls and prods at it incessantly, wanting to push out the rushing noise from his mind, filling it instead with thoughts of anything else.

otherwise, he thinks he might punch something. he can’t tell whether it’s the wall, society as a whole if he gets ambitious, or himself.

\--

the clock ticks. a chair scrapes against the floor the tiniest bit. yeonjun’s head shoots over and spots beomgyu moving it back, trying to readjust himself. he’s fidgeting, how uncomfortable he’s feeling written clear all over his face. as yeonjun glances at all his teammates, beomgyu, soobin, and huening kai, their expressions all betray any hopes of calm composure. he notes how soobin’s fingernails are bitten raw into little nubs, cuticles destroyed. yeonjun’s own nails mirror that of the leader.

one member is noticeably missing from their company’s lounge room. yeonjun feels his absence like a weight, centered right over his heart and pulling his limbs to the floor. he wants to collapse.

he can’t imagine how taehyun must feel.

on january first, dispatch is notorious for exposing celebrity relationships in korea. the paparazzi must find some sick thrill in revealing the idols for the public to see, feeling naked with the new transparency that has been forced upon them by a group of makeshift journalists. it’s revolting, but everyone still rushes to see who are the celebrities every year, without fail. yeonjun remembers the kai and jennie news. during his pre-debut period, he wasn’t one to focus on the media’s stories, but everyone in korea seemed to be aware of the news of their relationship, and how quickly it ended after it came to light.

january first of 2021 was supposed to be a joyous day for txt, with their two maknaes officially becoming adults. yeonjun, soobin, and beomgyu had planned to shove the maknaes’ faces into the cake that bighit was going to provide them with for their new years’ celebration vlive. the five were all organizing themselves in the common room at the bighit building, ready to start the livestream, when the tweet is shared.

taehyun’s phone pings suddenly with a new notification.

yeonjun, out of the corner of his eye, watches his honey skin turn white with dread.

taehyun is rushing out of the room before he can even get a word out.

yeonjun and the remaining three of his bandmates stand in the room, stunned. they call out for the younger, but he turns back from the exit he is heading to, and shoots them a thumbs up. “i have to go really quickly, don’t start the live yet! pd-nim needs me,” he exclaims. taehyun’s smile is strained, yeonjun realizes. the oldest wants to reach out, to say something more, to volunteer to go with him, but taehyun is dashing through the doors in an instant.

yeonjun knew something was wrong. everyone did. taehyun was usually so good at keeping his emotions off his face, except in his large eyes, which betrayed every emotion he felt. yeonjun always took note of how taehyun’s sparkling brown orbs would change depending on the situation. this time, taehyun was too far away. yet the crease in his eyebrows, the lip held between his teeth, said enough.

the stunned members pull out their phones, shuffling around with the props as they begin to mindlessly scroll. beomgyu spots it first. his gasp rings out, audible amongst the nearly silent room.

beomgyu turns to the other three with wide eyes. his fingers are gripped tightly around his phone, knuckles pale with the strain with which he’s grasping the edges. the usually rowdy boy is eerily silent, startling the other three boys even more.

“look,” beomgyu barely whispers out, turning his phone around.

it’s a tweet. yeonjun skims the korean text quickly, but spots the line sparking the controversy.

“text messages from txt member kang taehyun and a boy have been leaked on SNS, quickly spreading to twitter and weverse. in the screenshots below, OP talks to an anonymous source who claims to be taehyun’s ex-boyfriend in late middle school, before he became a bighit trainee. OP accuses taehyun of being gay. bighit has not yet responded.”

yeonjun can’t pinpoint one distinct thought that he had after first reading the texts. his mind was a whirlwind of jumbled thoughts, a mixture of hoping it was all fabricated, of wondering if taehyun was going to be okay, questioning where their career would go from here, asking himself what would happen to txt, shutting doors on these questions in a desperate attempt to calm himself, only to find more.

ever since debut, yeonjun has felt like he’s been on top of the world. sure, there have been hard times, but they have always had one another and now they could find greater comfort in the love they received from MOAs too. now, he felt as if the rug was being pulled out from under him. nothing was guaranteed anymore. their dream was being tugged at forcefully by outsiders, who wanted to steal their dream away from them. yeonjun’s fury was immense.

huening kai is the first to speak, the youngest member, the one they always doted on. “this doesn’t change anything.” he gets nothing but silence from his hyungs. “i don’t know what will happen but....guys it’s taehyun. we have to be there for him, no matter what.”

“together forever,” beomgyu mutters quietly. he looks disoriented.

soobin has his face in his hands but nods. out of the group, soobin and taehyun had always been the most mature, and consequently dealt with most of the behind the scenes issues with their group. they were the ones talking to producers and higher-ups at the company, trying to merge the best interest of bighit and txt to leave everyone happy. it was a struggle, but one the two made sure to support each other through. soobin knew the type of earth-shattering consequences that could come from such a scandal, and he knew better than anybody. if the group fell apart, the blood would be on his hands in the eyes of the world. he was the leader.

yeonjun feels frozen. he doesn’t know what to say, what to do, to comfort them. these are his brothers. god, what’s going to happen to taehyun?

the remaining four members settle onto the couch, dread pooling in their stomach.

the clock continues to tick, a bomb about to explode.

\--

they get called into several meetings in the days after the news breaks, some calmer than others, some involving far more yelling than necessary. no one is sleeping well, waiting for the bombshell to drop, the decision that will determine their future.

it comes five days after the article is released. yeonjun would think that five days would be enough time to prepare himself, but it’s not. taehyun walks into their living room, where they all are lounging, having come from outside. there’s a solemn expression on his face, and everyone whips their head towards him instinctively. he pauses, but releases a quick sigh and opens his mouth.

“i’m leaving,” taehyun announces.

a few protests escape the mouths of some of the members, but taehyun puts his hand up in an attempt to silence them. when they don’t, he starts speaking anyways.

“listen,” taehyun interjects sternly, tears pooling in his eyes. he’s never one to interrupt, but he can’t help himself. “i am not letting you guys give up your dream for me. there’s a contract and they’re letting me go, no, they want to get rid of me. i get that it’s dumb and fucked up but i understand it. it’s the only way to save txt.”

“don’t let them win,” taehyun continues speedily, not allowing room for an interruption. “don’t let those guys win. don’t let them break up txt. you guys need to stay and continue making music, continue to share your stories, and stay strong. this has been our dream since we were kids. we’ve been doing this for so long. don’t give it up.”

“i’m sorry...i know i have nothing to be sorry for but at the same time, i do. i should have been more careful and honest with the agency but i knew it’d get me nowhere. there’s just...there is no space for people like me here. i mean, there is in korea as a whole, but there’s no space for people like me...here. in the idol world. and before you say anything, you all know it’s true. you’ve seen the news. ”

no one says anything for a few moments, trying to process everything. yeonjun is sitting on the couch, rigid as a stature. soobin is fidgeting, beomgyu holding onto his hand to make him stop picking at his nails, but the younger boy looks distressed as well. kai is hugging his torso with his forearms, but he stands up first, tears pooling in his eyes.

“taehyun, you’re my best friend,” kai sobs, hugging him. taehyun flings his arms around the younger boy’s neck, holding on tight. 

“i know. you guys will always be my best friends, my bandmates, my family.”

“where are you going to go?” yeonjun asks quietly.

taehyun looks at his feet. “i don’t know,” he answers simply.

soobin’s panic grows, shown by the widening of his eyes, but he tries to hide it for everyone’s sake. yeonjun still takes notice. “what do you mean? are you going home?”

taehyun scrapes the toe of his shoe against the carpet. “my parents…well, they’re not too accepting either. i’m…i think i’m going to america,” he announces. 

the silence weighs over the group. america was a foreign place to them, even huening kai who was born there, somewhere they merely visited for concerts and stuff. but there was so much happiness there, and the atmosphere was far more easy-going than it was here in their home country.

“it seems perfect for you,” yeonjun says, stepping forward. he hugs taehyun again.

“we’re going to miss you.”

yeonjun feels the tears soaking into his shirt, but doesn’t say anything. he just holds taehyun closer, hoping to capture this moment forever. he doesn’t know how many more chances he is going to get to show his love.

\--

in the weeks after taehyun’s departure, yeonjun feels too much and nothing at the same time.

“why couldn’t they control their dongsaeng?” was a frequent comment yeonjun saw while he scrolled through articles. he couldn’t help but scoff every time.

korea wasn’t a very progressive nation, asia as a whole was not a place of acceptance. instead, rigid social structure, order, and obedience had been instilled in children for decades. being gay and fitting outside the box of “normalcy” wasn’t part of the idol blueprint. taehyun knew that, and he still found ways to chase his dream. while some called that selfish, yeonjun just thought of it as admirable.

yeonjun didn’t know how to define what was “acceptable.” who was he to criticize someone’s identity, reviewing it as if it was something as trivial as a song release? some days, yeonjun’s anger at what the media and general public did to taehyun is so blinding that it scares him. when soobin comes to calm him down, yeonjun feels like a horse with blinders on, being steered by his bandmates. he hates his vulnerability, and he hates how he feels like he’s burdening them with his emotions (despite their insistence that this is not the case).

other days, yeonjun can see his future crumbling right before his eyes. as an overthinker, he begins to doubt his abilities, wondering if he could make it if txt happens to end. it’s something he doesn’t want to imagine, but subconsciously does so anyways. yeonjun truly feels like he’s trapped some endless cycle of inner conflict most days. if he’s being completely honest, yeonjun relates to everything that taehyun said in the goodbye letter he wrote to the four remaining members (their agency refuses to publish anything from taehyun to the fans, claiming that they can’t endure any more negative publicity). 

yeonjun too feels out of place, not when he’s with his band members, but when he’s out on stage, a fake smile plastered across his face. his family, friends, and fans bring him so much happiness, something he is tremendously grateful for. he never doubts them for a second. however, within that sea of fans, yeonjun knows there are a few stragglers scrutinizing his every move, ready for him to also make something that the public would consider a “fatal mistake” so that they can take him down.

yeonjun isn’t sure how much longer he can keep up this front, but for the sake of his wonderful dongsaengs, he’s willing to try. he refuses to let anyone take txt down. they aren’t finished showing what they have to offer the world.

\--

yeonjun clicks on taehyun’s latest youtube video.

“hi guys! today i’ll be answering some questions that you’ve sent me,” the boy beams, speaking in near- perfect english. after moving to america, taehyun lost his “foreigner accent” in a few years and now sounds like more of a local. yeonjun turns on captions anyway, noting how taehyun never fails to include korean subtitles on all of his videos, despite being away for years. 

he goes through some, the screenshots of the questions appearing on the screen as he reacts to them.

“what do you think about this?” taehyun reads the question verbatim, and the screenshot then appears, showing a photo of a tweet from a MOA. four years ago. it’s dated june 1st, 2020.

“ _i hate to break it to y’all but taehyun het,_ ” it reads.

“what do i think?” taehyun echoes, staring straight at the camera.

“defamation. this is the most disrespected i’ve ever felt in my life. next question.”

_"first crush?"_

“.....please don’t crucify me stan twitter, but i am still firmly on the young leonardo dicaprio train.”

“your lack of taste is appalling,” the person behind the camera remarks.

taehyun sticks out his tongue. “shut up!”

“cancel him, folks. he prefers chris evans to chris hemsworth.”

“that is literally the right opinion!”

“ _have you ever read the song of achilles?_ ”

“yes.”

“ _have you ever read the great gatsby?_ ”

“unfortunately my parents subjected me to that book. looking back, nick and jay were in love.”

“nerd.”

“eric, i will fight you.”

“ _opinions on love simon?_ ”

“really necessary. it’s nice to see a lgbtq+ love story in the mainstream, even if it wasn’t perfect. i cried, like, five times. the really powerful one-liners were the best part.”

“oh, so you’re basic.”

“i will fire you if i have to.”

“you’re living at my apartment?”

“irrelevant,” taehyun states, smiling at the camera in an eerie way to seem threatening.

“you don’t scare me, twig.”

“okay that’s the end of the video! i will be killing my cameraman now. eric, say goodbye!” taehyun exclaims, jumping up before the camera cuts off, and eric screams in the background. 

“ow, you just kicked my shin!”

“deserved.”

yeonjun finds himself grinning like an idiot after watching the video. it’s become a common occurrence these last few weeks, waking up early on monday mornings to watch taehyun’s uploads. he always finds himself enjoying them, but the moments following the end of the videos are full of a saudade form of nostalgia.

he misses taehyun, all of the members do. it’s easy to say that there are four members remaining, but the hole left behind by taehyun is a gaping one that will never be filled. huening kai has grown tremendously as a main vocalist in the last few years, but there is still a vocalist missing from their group. soobin has continued to improve as a leader, but there is still taehyun’s calming force missing. beomgyu gets funnier by the day, yet the silence that would once be broken by taehyun’s humorous little jabs can be deafening at times. as for himself, yeonjun knows he’s called the 4th gen it boy, an all-rounder of sorts. but it was taehyun who rose through obscurity, travelling up the ranks until he shared the number one trainee spot with yeonjun. taehyun matched yeonjun’s passion, and it’s missing too. but the biggest hole is still in the hearts of the txt members, all who miss taehyun so much. they all try to text, not so much as a group but they do keep in contact individually, yet it can’t even compare to the way they were joined at the hip for the most pivotal years of their lives. yeonjun, despite his attempts to stay strong, often finds himself worried about how the younger boy is doing.

yeonjun finds solace in these videos of taehyun, this grown-up, free-spirited version of himself, and the bubbly laugh engulfing the space as he reads questions off his phone from his many fans.

taehyun seems okay, and yeonjun would wish for nothing more. 

\--

pictures of taehyun at NYC pride are revealed in late june. there’s little to no mention of them in korea, and yeonjun knows that bighit is trying to keep taehyun out of the media as much as possible (whether it’s to protect themselves or the younger boy, he isn’t so sure), but he always finds himself scrolling through taehyun’s tags on social media, trying to find the latest news about the boy.

yeonjun tells himself that as taehyun’s hyung, it’s still his duty to make sure the younger is okay. plus, he’s curious. life in america is truly so different from that in korea. so, he continues to read every piece of media that comes about the younger boy. it shocks yeonjun at how pleasantly americans talk about taehyun, normalizing his sexuality like his home country fails to do, but he’s so happy for taehyun. yeonjun thanks whatever forces are out there for protecting his precious dongsaeng and allowing him to live his life.

an interview with vogue comes out later that month, a tell-all of sorts.

_what made you want to come out with the truth now?_

“well, i already came out years ago unwillingly...okay sorry that was a terrible joke. on a serious note, i feel as if i deserve to come forth and set the record straight, to clear my name to those who believe i’m evil and to deliver some reassurance to those who have continuously supported me. i want to help others who may be experiencing similar things to what i did.”

_when did you first realize that you were gay?_

“probably around middle school, when all my friends were gushing about girls and i was wholly uninterested. i eventually met a few boys who i was really interested in, and through some internet digging, learned about the lgbtq+ community. i made sure to clear my browser history and everything, but it was nice to know that there were a group of people out there who were like me in some way.”

_how did it feel to be gay, and have to hide that secret, in such a public industry?_

“it was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do…genuinely. you think because you’ve hidden it for your entire life, that it’ll be okay, that you can get through just a little more of this whole waiting game, but it never ends. i ached to tell someone, to say my truth, and i ended up breaking numerous times throughout my two years as an idol. the words would flow out before i could barely even stop them. honestly, i’m shocked it took almost two years for me to be caught, but i’m also not. i hid it generally well, i would believe. i didn’t date anyone, i didn’t flirt, i just....existed. my entire gimmick was to be someone blunt and sarcastic, someone who speaks their mind but also is mysterious and closed-off. it allowed for just enough aloofness that my comments weren’t scrutinized, helping me stay silent.”

_when the scandal hit, what was that like?_

“instant fear and regret…but more than anything, i felt so much guilt. to my teammates, my company, my family, and even to me…the version of me before the news dropped, the one who had worked so hard to keep everything hidden just so they could get a shot at their dream. i knew what was going to happen if the truth came out. i just thought i had more time to prepare, to make sure everyone i loved would be okay. but, you know how it goes. i didn’t get that luxury.”

_we wanted to give you a free spot to speak your mind. a lot of people admire your strength and sincerity, us included. is there anything you would like to say?_

“thank you, i appreciate it. to anyone who has struggled with, questioned, or explored their sexuality, i hope you know that i will accept and love you even if some others may not. you can not make everyone happy, so focus on bringing yourself joy first and the rest will follow. it is okay to be gay, and express yourself and your sexuality in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. i have your back, one hundred percent. fighting!”

_thank you for your time._

\--

the remaining members of tomorrow by together grow closer in the wake of the scandal, and remain that way no matter how much time passes. some of it is comfort, but yeonjun admits that there is a great level of fear there too. they don’t want to let each other go.

yeonjun slips out many nights, after the others have fallen asleep. he’s found that he enjoys going to parks and having picnics at midnight, lying in the grass. he likes to travel to the water and peer at the skyline of buildings, lighting up seoul even during the darkest hours of the day. these are things he got to do on rare occasion during promotional periods, when life is hectic and every free second would be spent sleeping or practicing to perfect an upcoming performance. but txt is allotted a few two week breaks here and there as their career progresses, and yeonjun soaks up these moments when he’s allowed to be a human being, rather than an entertainment prop of some sort. as a trainee, yeonjun would frequent different parties for idols as a means of having fun, but he now discovers that he enjoys spending time alone. he writes, learns how to cook a lot more things, and consumes an insane amount of films. he dances more freely than ever and works on music without much pressure, just doing it as a means of creative expression. he even goes on a bike ride with namjoon, someone he would consider a mentor during his predebut period. 

when txt returns to work, yeonjun realizes how much he misses a life in the shadows, one where every move was not scrutinized on public television every week. his dream his entire life was to be an idol, but he questions how much greener the grass is on this side. without his fellow bandmates, yeonjun would probably be losing it, but they just tighten their hold on his hand when he voices these concerns. huening kai even admits that he’s thought the same way before.

“we probably all have,” soobin says, cuddling beomgyu on the couch.

the word “we” brings yeonjun a lot of solace nowadays. it’s a promise between all four of them, one to keep fighting, because they all are sharing similar struggles even if they remain unspoken. all they can do is be there for one another, like they always have been.

yeonjun’s mind, as usual, flits back to the fifth member. he recalls the conversation that has been echoing throughout his entire being for the past couple of days.

“yeonjun?” taehyun asks when he picks up the call.

yeonjun, lying on his dorm bed, nods before he realizes that taehyun can’t see him. “hi, taehyun. yeah it’s me.”

“it’s so good to hear your voice. it has to have been like...2 months.”

“yeah, it has. sorry, i kind of suck at phone calls.”

“me too, don’t worry about it. plus, we like text every day. i know enough about the pile of laundry in the foyer from your complaints these past few days. anyways, what’s up?”

yeonjun inhales shakily. “nothing, i just…well…i wanted to see how you were doing.”

there’s silence on the other end. yeonjun almost says “hello?” to make sure that taehyun is there with him, but the boy speaks up. “oh, well, i’m doing alright. are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell me? you know you can come to me with anything.”

yeonjun wants to cry in that moment. the younger sounds so earnest, so fond, that even the smallest of his comments manage to make yeonjun feel safe.

“i’m just...it’s a little hard here. with…” yeonjun stops, not knowing if he should continue. he doesn’t want to upset the younger.

“with promotions?” taehyun asks, and yeonjun balks a little.

“yeah..uh.”

“you don’t think i don’t read articles about you?” taehyun teases. yeonjun can hear the smirk on his face. “come on, your last album was a masterpiece. i’m waiting for more. of course i’m up to date. now, how are you feeling?”

yeonjun breathes easier the more he talks to taehyun. “i guess i just feel a little overwhelmed. i want everything to be perfect, and i’m trying to take care of everyone best i can, but nothing is going according to plan.”

“you’re doing your best yeonjun, and i know the others appreciate that.”

“what if my best isn’t good enough?”

“yeonjun, your best is always good enough. we all accept you for who you are. we can’t ask for more. i think you are the one who asks too much for yourself,” taehyun pauses. “you need to breathe. you have infinite chances to impress people, no matter how it may seem. sure, each music show only gets one take, but there’s always the next day. people are still just as crazy for txt as they were when we debuted, maybe even a bit more.”

(yeonjun finds that he really likes how taehyun still says “we” when talking about their group. he knows that he’s a member forever.)

yeonjun and taehyun talk for at least an hour, sharing concerns and random life updates, before yeonjun starts yawning. taehyun giggles. “i forgot, it’s like 5 AM there. you should be asleep.”

“no, don’t worry, i enjoyed this.”

“me too.”

there’s a hitch in the conversation. yeonjun breathes in. “taehyun?”

“yes?”

“is it okay if i ask you for some...personal advice?”

“of course. what is it about?”

yeonjun fiddles with his thumbs, not that taehyun can see. “is it okay if it’s about...my sexuality?”

taehyun doesn’t even flinch or hesitate. his response is as crystal clear and sincere as ever. “of course, what’s up?”

“well..” yeonjun recounts the event of how he almost kissed a guy during a game of seven minutes of heaven at a birthday party for his best friend from elementary school. he hadn’t been in such a rowdy atmosphere in a while, something that pushed him to drink to loosen up. despite being extremely drunk, yeonjun knew that he wanted to kiss the boy. he felt an attraction, one more strong than anything else he’s experienced in a while. taehyun is the perfect listener.

“you know, it’s okay to question things. it sounds like you have something there, and you should explore it. well, as much as you can. please be safe first,” taehyun comments when yeonjun wraps up his story.

“i know. thank you for being here for me tonight. i really needed it,” yeonjun yawns again.

“no problem. and yeonjun?”

“yeah?”

“i’m really, really proud of you. i hope you know that. if you ever need a place to just get away from everything, my house is open to you. hopefully you can stand tiny dorm rooms. i think you’d eat all of the food in my mini fridge for breakfast though. i have basically nothing.”

“ah, the life of a college student i see.”

“it’s exhilarating…no it’s actually terrible but that’s a topic for another time. for now, you need to go to bed.”

“okay mom,” yeonjun teases. “i will. take care. have a good night.”

“well, i would say that back to you, but it’s morning over there. hope the roosters wake you up! i love you.”

“i love you too,” yeonjun finishes. the receiver clicks off.

that “night” (it’s actually early morning, but yeonjun is a night owl so it’s all the same to him), yeonjun dreams vividly of a universe where it’s just the five of them against the world. yet the persistent support of the four of them, soobin, beomgyu, kai, and taehyun, manages to remind him that his dream is his reality. he knows that for a fact, and despite all of the negativity weighing down his shoulders, yeonjun sleeps a little easier that day. 

\--

taehyun’s back in korea for the first time in three years, huening kai announces, a panicked look on his face.

“and?” soobin prompts.

“he’s...he’s been caught hanging out with beomgyu.”

“what?” soobin gets off the couch in a hurry. yeonjun follows, standing up.

“i mean, it’s not a bad thing, like i have no problem with him hanging out with taehyun...just, the public is-” soobin starts.

“the managers are going to be furious. who caught them?” yeonjun asks.

“dispatch,” kai remarks darkly, the dread setting over the three.

“did beomgyu talk to any of you today?” soobin asks.

“he told me he was going out with a friend this morning,” yeonjun admits.

“me too. i mean, he didn’t lie. they were just caught at a coffee shop, catching up. it was secluded too, so it’s not like gyu was being quote unquote irresponsible. the paparazzi is just…too good,” kai finishes.

“i know, it’s just…the consequences,” soobin trails off. he looks frustrated, and yeonjun doubts it’s at beomgyu’s decision. yeonjun knows that soobin would want nothing more to hang out with taehyun, he’d probably be the first one to coordinate a plan to sneak taehyun into the dorm if the boy gave a heads up that he was visiting. still, going out in public with an ex band member who the public had called evil and a liar, and who some even accused of trying to force themselves on their group mates (some people were disgusting, they all had concluded), held a great risk factor, one that beomgyu took.

yeonjun, deep down, is proud. the look in the eyes of soobin and kai shows that they probably feel the same.

“the stigma surrounding our group will never leave, no matter how successful we get,” kai starts. “everyone knows what happened, who taehyun is, or at least who they think he is. beomgyu hanging out with him does nothing but stir up more publicity and dating rumors.”

“dating rumours are only beneficial here for about one hour when the initial shock factor of a girl and boy getting together is present, after that it’s mostly just an influx of hatred,” yeonjun mutters darkly.

kai nods. “but listen, you guys know that i knew about taehyun before all of this. i just don’t think there’s anything we need to worry about between the four of us. the managers are going to be mad, i know, but beomgyu did nothing wrong. if there’s a punishment or he gets a scolding, we can’t just sit there.”

yeonjun and soobin spare a glance each other’s way, a telepathic agreement they make. kai is right, and yeonjun turns back to the maknae to tell him just that.

“it would be wrong to do so,” soobin finishes.

“when did you get so mature?” yeonjun asks, ruffling the back of kai’s collar. kai squawks, trying to back away, but yeonjun merely holds on tighter. soobin stands up, and the trio end up in a group hug.

the door swings open, beomgyu racing in, panting heavily. his phone is in his hands, cheeks flushed red. there is a sense of fear evident in his eyes, and his legs look like they’re about to collapse under him. yeonjun reaches out and pulls him into the hug without a moment of hesitation, allowing the younger boy to lean his weight on him.

they’re standing in the middle of that lounging room, the one where they’ve filmed countless v-lives, celebrated birthdays together, laughed, cried, fought, celebrated, and virtually doing everything together. they’re bonded for life. yeonjun knows that whatever happens will be for a reason, the right reasons. the universe has their backs, he believes. it has to.

“it’ll be okay,” yeonjun murmurs, and they all don’t separate for a few minutes.

\--

yeonjun’s final letter as a member of bighit entertainment comes out before kai’s but after soobin and beomgyu’s. he tries to be as concise as possible, not wanting to seem too much of anything, whether it’s angry, excited, or anything in between. he’s the only one out of the four who decides to leave anyways, so there’s enough drama there for the media to unpack.

yeonjun writes and releases his letter within a matter of thirty minutes, only going over it once for spell check reasons. he doesn’t want to edit it too heavily in fear of watering it down and chickening out.

he submits it to his manager (ex-manager now) at 3:02 PM KST. it goes up by 3:30.

“ _hi, i am choi yeonjun of tomorrow by together._

_recently you have all heard that our team has decided to disband after five years of promotion together. to be completely honest, it was one of the hardest things we have ever done. i cried for days. not because i was angry or didn’t agree with the choice, but because i knew it had to be done yet still didn’t know where my path would take me in the future. i still do not know. however, in the past week, i have grown more comfortable with that concept of the unknown. i’m excited to step foot into this new world and explore new opportunities for myself. however, i will not be embarking on this journey alone. while we will not be promoting together anymore, soobin, beomgyu, taehyun, and huening kai will forever be my brothers._

_this is not a goodbye note, but a letter promising a brighter future._

_here comes the hard part. while i wanted to write this to spark hope for my future activities, i haven’t been completely honest with MOAs throughout the past years. for this, i sincerely apologize. i didn’t feel like i could come forth with this secret of mine, but i now am ready._

_i, choi yeonjun, am gay._

_throughout the idol space, fanservice is not just common, but an expectation. idols of the same gender are encouraged to get as close as possible for the sake of publicity and greater favorability amongst a general public who loves the idea of homosexuality, but turns a blind eye to the abuse lgbtq+ people are experiencing in their own communities. i am not writing these words to overly criticize the celebrity industry in itself, but to bring attention to the struggles that many lgbtq+ idols face and will continue to face until their rights are recognized in our country. for these reasons detailed above, i was unsure about when and how to come out. many have told me that this letter will be the factor that ruins my career as a soloist before it even starts. however, i have come to the realization with the help of my bandmates/brothers, various staff members, friends, and family, that this is the right decision for me. not just for yeonjun the entertainer, but choi yeonjun the person._

_this seems very formal and not my style so far, so on a lighter note, i intend to move to america for a while to sort some things out. i’m looking into singing, producing, composing, modelling, acting, really anything that allows my creativity to flow. i hope to continue providing content for you all to enjoy. i can not thank you enough for your continued love and support._

_MOAs, i love you. soobin, beomgyu, taehyun, and huening kai, hyung loves you all so much. i am so proud and i know you will all find success in the fields you are entering. soobin, best of luck on that upcoming drama. beomgyu, i can’t wait for that magazine shoot to come out. taehyun, hoping that you do well on your finals! finally, kai, your new cover was gold. i know you’ll be very successful as a singer. now that i have praised you all, please come help me pack before i leave if you are still in seoul._

_-choi yeonjun_ ”

\--

taehyun hears a knock on the door saturday morning while he’s fervently trying to scrub a smudge off of his glass window. his head whips towards the front door, and then the clock, where it reads 1:33 PM.

taehyun grins.

the now blonde-haired boy jumps down from the ledge he’s perched on, his feet padding against the hardwood floor as he runs towards the front of his apartment.

“who is it?” he calls giddily.

yeonjun, on the other side, can barely start answering before the door flies open and taehyun is enveloping him in a hug. yeonjun’s heart, pounding with anxiety, settles a little bit with the steadying presence of the younger.

“it’s been too long,” is all taehyun says, burying his face in yeonjun’s shoulder. yeonjun hugs him back just as fiercely, just as hard. three years of being apart, with only their phones to communicate, was astronomical to two individuals who spent three years training, and an additional two years of promotions together.

“i’m happy to be here,” yeonjun answers.

the world right now is still talking about yeonjun’s letter, as it was only released around a week ago. people are still speculating, sending a mixture of praise and insults. a lot of yeonjun’s stuff is still in korea, stuffed into his parents’ garage. all he carries with him now are two suitcases. he’s now seven thousand miles away from his friends, family, and the lifestyle he has always known. it was terrifying to board the plane and say goodbye to normalcy, because no matter how suffocating some portions of his life were, the pattern of it all brought substantial comfort.

but wrapped in taehyun’s arms, who is crying despite his desperate attempts to blink back the tears escaping his eyes, yeonjun decides that it’s all worth it.

“i’m glad to have you back, old friend,” taehyun greets way too formally after the flowing of his tears has subsided, but his wink is mocking. yeonjun notices all of the differences in his friend, the way he grew out his hair, the way he stands more confidently now, and the louder tone to his voice. he’s in no way the same meek little nineteen year old boy that he was three years ago, but he’s still taehyun. the boy’s sparkling eyes ground yeonjun, a welcome sight of familiarity that he needs, has needed for three years.

“welcome to new york.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! i would just like to let everyone know that i am in no way a bighit anti of any sort, i just thought this would be an interesting premise for a story and i love taejun so much so i had to write this. i am begging them to breathe and provide us some content, perhaps a selca? <3
> 
> anyways, this is just part one of 2! i know this is mostly platonic so far but yes, i will make them get together in the next part. my sole goal is to feed taejunists.
> 
> i'd appreciate if you left a comment or kudos of some sort, but only if you want to! let me know how you feel so far about what i've written! hope you all are doing well. 
> 
> p.s. i wrote a taejun fic last week! it's not finished but part 1 is up. here's the link if you want to check it out:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905281/chapters/60266452
> 
> also, i have another taejun au in mind, and even a taegyujun/taejungyu one too! tell me if you would like to see them. i'm pretty active on twitter, so if you want to see someone scream about txt and other groups all day, drop your username in the comments and i'll follow you on there. anyways, take care everyone! hopefully i'll be able to post part two soon.


	2. part 2

“taehyun, you’re not the baby gay anymore in our friend group! congratulations! it’s been a long time coming,” a boy, who yeonjun thinks taehyun called tristan earlier, says.

“oh, shut up. lay off us, will you?” taehyun bites back, malice absent from his tone and the cheeky grin he is sporting.

yeonjun has never seen taehyun more in his element. looking back, it makes perfect sense that he would end up here, at nyu. taehyun had always been a smart kid, but his passion for his own education dwindled when his debut was on the horizon, something customary in the entertainment industry. however, after leaving the band at nineteen, taehyun now had an abundance of free time on his hands. after a year of living with a friend in chelsea, working several odd jobs (barista, youtuber, model, influencer, to name a few) in order to find his calling, taehyun decided to head two miles south to manhattan’s greenwich village and enroll in nyu. taehyun was only twenty at the start of his freshman year, and has stuck his way through college for the past two years to now be classified as a first semester junior. he’s studying in the field of childhood education, with a minor in media studies, on top of maintaining his career as an internet celebrity and former idol. despite the hectic schedule, taehyun rarely complains (okay, there was that one day where yeonjun came home to taehyun throwing a small fit under a mountain of fleece blankets because he had an essay due the next day, but that was one of those occasional things that yeonjun solved with a pint of ice cream, whispered words of encouragement, and a study playlist he made especially for his younger friend). taehyun is as composed as ever, and the life experience he has amassed even makes yeonjun insecure at times. he’s three years older, twenty-five to taehyun’s twenty-two, but in comparison to the younger, he barely saw any part of the real world before moving out to new york city. taehyun is now the one dragging yeonjun, who was notoriously outgoing in their little bubble of the idol world, to various parties, clubs, movie nights, and plays, anything to get the older boy out of his shell. yeonjun appreciates taehyun’s efforts, so he always tags along despite his nerves because he loves to see the younger boy in this newfound state of freedom (well, in a relative sense, it wasn’t that new for taehyun himself, but it sure was a new observation for yeonjun). taehyun doesn’t curl in on himself anymore, now walking with a greater confidence because he doesn’t feel the need to constantly cast a glance over his shoulder. since he’s no longer under the constant scrutinization of others (at least, not on the same scale of scrutiny as before), taehyun seems to breathe a little easier, expelling a majority of his old, bottled up thoughts into the universe. yeonjun’s in awe of this life that taehyun has built for himself, the way he’s managed to deal with the change in the river’s current with such practiced ease. taehyun never allows the waves to rock his boat to the point where it capsizes. instead, he just follows the natural flow of his own journey, steering his way down this newly discovered path. yeonjun tries to emulate this grace that taehyun shows, and in some ways, he succeeds in doing so. 

still, that isn’t to say there aren’t hard days for the both of them (especially not at first). after being in the spotlight for the past five years, yeonjun finds it quite challenging to accept how still some of his days can be, how they can tend to feel empty sometimes without the usual hustle and bustle of idol life. however, taehyun implores the older boy to take a break during those first few months of his stay in america, and yeonjun lets taehyun slowly introduce him to this world of his. most evenings, taehyun will return home from his classes with an idea, one containing something for the two of them to do together. yeonjun occasionally complains a little bit, especially when he’s particularly exhausted from a day of composing (he’s been doing that a lot recently, and producing is fun, but it also can be quite draining with the amount of effort it takes), but he usually ends up taking the opportunity for a new adventure with taehyun (who never disappoints). that night was no exception, and yeonjun’s ears perk up when he hears the tell-tale sound of keys clicking in the lock to the front door of their apartment (which is something that taehyun is adamant about, insisting that yeonjun shouldn’t be shy about recognizing the place as his home as well).

“hello,” taehyun greets upon his arrival, before he even gets his keys out of the door. yeonjun watches as the chestnut-haired boy steps inside the foyer, quickly taking off his shoes while doing so. the petite boy had lost some of the muscle he had been putting on when they were promoting, now remaining rather slim for the past few years. however, taehyun’s fashion sense, which had always been good, had still managed to drastically improve during their time apart. yeonjun could admit that taehyun now rivaled (and maybe even excelled) him for the fashionista title amongst the five members of their group. today, the outfit taehyun wore to class was fairly simple while still maintaining that stylish quality, since it was centered around a statement pair of flowy, black plants with a pink and white floral pattern. it’s a piece of clothing that taehyun would have simply admired from afar years ago, but now, the younger boy reveled in the ability to wear whatever he pleased (taehyun spends his days behind closed doors in various lectures anyways, and his fellow college students weren’t exactly in the position to judge fashion when sweatsuits are their garments of choice).

“hey,” yeonjun calls out from where he’s sitting on the couch, computer perched precariously on his lap. taehyun jumps over, settling down on one of the three sofa cushions. the smaller boy tucks his feet under his legs, sitting in such an odd position that yeonjun looks over with a raised eyebrow, but the brunette (taehyun changes his hair a lot, but right now, it was back to brown for him) merely grins. “so blondie,” taehyun starts, ignoring the playful glare yeonjun shoots him. yeonjun wasn’t used to taehyun’s american lingo (which yeonjun would call terribly stereotypical, but a giggling taehyun always insisted that it was “hip”) quite yet, but he definitely liked hearing it (as much as he refused to admit it to the younger boy). “how do you feel about checking out the bar scene tonight? it’s my friend’s birthday party and he said i could bring a plus one. want to be mine?” taehyun waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

this was another new thing, what yeonjun and taehyun were doing. they both had criticized the toxic culture of fanservice that came with being an idol, but now had become quite flirty with one another in their off-camera, daily lives. yeonjun merely brushed it off as a habit of sorts, but secretly, he enjoyed this dynamic that he had going with the shorter boy. they didn’t really interact in this way very much when they were promoting, since their positions in the group were somewhat similar. yeonjun was the eldest hyung, and with that came a sense of responsibility; he had to take charge, speak as a representative, and prove his worth as a leader of sorts. however, being the “fake maknae”, yeonjun was also allowed to have fun and act in a cute manner as a means of expressing his duality. taehyun was similar in the sense that he actually was one of two maknaes, a position that gave him that adorable aura, but he was touted for his maturity that extended far beyond his years. taehyun was one of their main spokespersons for that reason, always chosen as the MC along with the two eldest members. it’s this overlapping of positions that doesn’t give much room for yeonjun and taehyun to promote their friendship with a great amount of fanservice during their past, because their likeness is just too apparent and their responsibilities too heavy.

in that way, yeonjun and taehyun kind of have an inverse relationship of sorts. when the physical distance between the two of them increased after taehyun departed from korea, the strength of their bond actually increased as well. then, when yeonjun also arrives in america, the relationship suddenly takes a more direct turn and they keep on growing closer. yeonjun likes this, this new normal between them. so, at the prospect of another night on the town with taehyun, he agrees.

“yeah, sure. it’s ok if i come?”

“of course,” taehyun replies, standing up with a small smile gracing his face. “they’ve been dying to meet you.”

“you talk about me?”

“i didn’t say that,” taehyun teases. “well, yes i do. they also have seen some of your covers. you’re still a celebrity, junie.”

“says you.”

“well, i have been begging you to film a video with me for like, forever.”

“i will, i promise,” yeonjun blushes a little. he’s always said that he would join taehyun on his youtube channel, where he had amassed a few million subscribers, but yeonjun hadn’t been on camera for a full video in over eight months. the last promotional video he ever did was a spotify ad with his groupmates, but after that, he tried to avoid as many full-length video shoots as he could. sure, there was the occasional clip of him that was taken by some fan or member of the media during his time in manhattan, but yeonjun knew there was no way he could stop those from popping up, so he tried to just not think about them.

“good,” taehyun grins, reaching out to ruffle the older boy’s hair. “now, come on, let’s go get dressed. we have a party to go to.”

yeonjun whines as taehyun grabs his hand, moving to pull him off the couch. “but i don’t want to move--”

“think about all the pretty boys and girls that might be there,” taehyun winks. “mr. dress to impress, now is your time to shine. up you go,” he prompts, speaking to yeonjun as if he’s a small child. yeonjun groans a little more, but eventually complies, setting off for his room. as he pulls on a pair of charcoal jeans and maroon boots, knotting his shoelaces, yeonjun wonders what he’s gotten himself into. but with the promise of a night out complete with taehyun’s company and alcohol, he’s leaving the apartment before he knows it. he and taehyun live about thirty blocks from the bar in question, so they decide to catch a subway, especially since the sun is rapidly setting. it’s around seven in the afternoon when they finally dismount the train, and taehyun takes yeonjun’s hand as they navigate the crowded underground areas. eventually, they’re walking upstairs and onto the streets, which have darkened considerably after all of their time on the subway.

“i think it’s this way,” taehyun says, looking over to one side of the road, then nodding affirmatively. “yeah, it’s over here,” he finishes, gently pulling yeonjun along. 

“so, is anyone going to be there that i know?” yeonjun asks, keeping their arms linked together, in an attempt to keep the jitters he’s feeling at bay. the language barrier was steadily improving by the day, almost becoming somewhat invisible with time (plus, yeonjun had always been ok at english), but the cultural one had not disappeared as quickly. yeonjun still had the tendency to feel like an outsider at times.

“there’s ayden and christopher, but i also think you’ve met michael, wooseok, and jin from jin’s party two weeks ago,” taehyun comments, hints of comfort laced in his tone. he rubs small circles on yeonjun’s knuckles, more than aware of the other’s internal tension.

“is michael the tall one?” yeonjun asks, trying to conjure up images of faces that could match wooseok and jin, but failing miserably. he decides that recognizing three out of five of them should still be considered a personal victory.

“yeah. you don’t remember wooseok? it’s his party tonight.”

“listen, i feel like i’ve met the entirety of manhattan at these parties. i can’t possibly remember them all.”

“touche,” taehyun clicks his tongue.

“oh, shit, shouldn’t i have brought a gift?” yeonjun comments when they begin nearing their destination. he hadn’t even considered the fact that this was a birthday party until it suddenly dawned upon him, and he hated the idea that he could come off as rude. still, taehyun is quick to evaporate all of his worries.

“no, don’t worry, it’s not wooseok’s actual birthday yet. that’s on sunday. i’ll just give my present to him then, and say it’s from the both of us,” taehyun teases, nudging yeonjun’s side. “or, you could just buy him a drink tonight.”

“i’ll plan on it,” yeonjun answers with a smile. it’s slightly chilly this time of year in new york, not bad enough that they have to wear winter coats, but yeonjun is shivering in his suede jacket. taehyun notices, but the thinner boy isn’t wearing something much thicker either, and he’s known for always being cold. “come on, we’re almost there. just one more block,” the brunette claims, linking his pinky with yeonjun’s as they walk. little actions like these always blew yeonjun away. they had become so domestic in their months of living together.

when they reach the club, taehyun quickly spots his friends and drags yeonjun over for introductions, which are pleasant enough. the duo stick together for the first hour or so, sipping lightly at the drinks they have ordered. taehyun ultimately goes off with a couple of his friends to talk to the rest of their classmates (at yeonjun’s insistence that it’s okay), and the older boy sits alone at the bar for a little while. after half an hour, he begins to strike up a conversation with some of the other partygoers and patrons, which ends in him acquiring a few new numbers by the end of the night. that’s how these parties usually go, with yeonjun getting new contacts, but never really reaching out. he still felt separate from the world that these new yorkers were living in, like he was observing through a glass wall from the outside in. on nights like these, yeonjun has a greater tendency to dwell on the multitude of reasons as to why he feels this way, which includes (but is not limited to) him being a foreigner, him being in the public eye, and the fact that he’s still figuring himself out. it’s weird, going through a coming-of-age phase at the one point in life where everyone else his age seems so confident, carefree and sure of who they are. yeonjun recognizes that he’s living in one particular timeline while his peers were all experiencing another, something that sets him apart from the rest, and not in a way he’s particularly enthusiastic about. because everything about how different yeonjun’s current universe was felt condescending, even though it shouldn’t have.

but then there’s taehyun. taehyun who returns halfway through the night, first drink only partly finished. taehyun who dances with yeonjun for a handful or two of songs, but notices the unease on the older boy’s face as the clock nears eleven o’clock and whispers in his ear, asking if he wants to go. when yeonjun refuses, reiterating that he didn’t want to take taehyun away from his friends, taehyun just gives him a small smile, one full of endearment, and whispers that they can leave in ten minutes. he leaves no room for yeonjun to rebuttal, to claim that he could stay (especially since taehyun knows that yeonjun wouldn’t be one hundred percent truthful in saying that). taehyun had become very in tune to yeonjun’s behavior, in fact, he always had been one of the first to notice the slightest variations in the older boy’s mannerisms when he got uncomfortable. during these instances, taehyun would always take it upon himself to be the one in charge. this time, they exit the bar in the same way they enter, with taehyun gripping yeonjun’s wrist as he leads him outside the weatherbeaten brick building. yeonjun’s glad to have left the small bar, pulling at the peter pan collar on his red lace shirt in an attempt to loosen it up. it was awfully hot and cramped in there, like most things in new york city. with living in seoul for a majority of his life, you’d think yeonjun would make the adjustment to manhattan quite quickly, but the population density of the tiny island was far greater. the crowds just felt different, always seeming so much worse. 

“do you want to go to the park?” taehyun asks as they’re about to cross a small side street, where the stairs down to the entrance of the subway tracks lies. “we can, if you want some fresh air.”

“okay,” yeonjun murmurs. he doesn’t know if he’s sleepy or just emotionally exhausted, but he rests his head on the junction between taehyun’s neck and shoulder just the same. taehyun doesn’t even seem remotely startled, as the younger just lets yeonjun lay there throughout the entirety of their bumpy subway ride home. eventually, they near taehyun’s apartment building and get off the train, but like he promised, taehyun brings yeonjun two blocks past their place to a little park. there’s a small, blue and purple colored children’s playground that is fenced in and locked, but there are also a few wooden benches placed underneath the many trees dotted around the park. the duo walks in the direction of the first one they see, and taehyun sits down in that usual, strange position of his, with his legs firmly positioned under himself. yeonjun plops down too, leaning back so that he can lay out his arms on the back of the bench. taehyun peers over at him, something yeonjun notices from the corner of his eye, as the brunette waits for his older friend to speak. this was a common occurrence of sorts, yeonjun and taehyun hanging out at nearby parks in the middle of the night, seeking an escape from the confines of city life. they had some of their longest talks here, spilling whatever feelings they had been eating at them during these late evenings. it becomes clear after several moments that yeonjun is still battling with his words, so taehyun prompts him to speak.

“anything wrong?” the brunette’s eyes are wide with worry, patting the elder’s knee. “did anything happen?”

yeonjun shakes his head no as a means of reassurance, trying to keep his own composure. in the end, he takes a deep breath as he tries to gather his final thoughts. after what feels like an eternity (but is merely a couple of moments in reality), he starts speaking despite the telltale feeling of cement on his tongue. 

“i’ve been living this same tired narrative for months now, and i should know that it’s okay to be feeling this way, but god…it sucks. it really does, you know...” yeonjun trails off, wringing his hands through his hair in frustration. he feels like he’s doing his mind a disservice by conveying what he feels so simply, with such basic words. however, the attentive look taehyun is giving yeonjun never falters, even for a fraction of a second. he merely motions yeonjun to advance forward with this attempt to express his internal discourse, to just keep talking. 

“go on,” taehyun murmurs, and so yeonjun does.

“everything right now feels like it’s not enough. i’m not doing enough. i don’t even know myself well enough,” yeonjun finishes, laughing wetly. “i just feel so hopeless at times, like i shouldn’t even be here.”

“you don’t have to go to these parties if you’re not comfortable or not feeling your best there, yeonjun. it’s really okay if-”

“no, that’s not it,” yeonjun waves taehyun’s words off, but shuffles closer to the younger boy, placing his head in taehyun’s lap. he doesn’t want to come off as ungrateful, even though he knows deep down that taehyun won’t misunderstand him like that, but he just wishes to cement how much he cherishes the other boy’s efforts with everything he does. “i like coming out with you, but i don’t know...i guess i think i should like it more. i just don’t fit in here.”

“you don’t think so?”

“no,” yeonjun bites his lip. “but i definitely didn’t fit in much in korea either,” he barks out a short laugh. “maybe there really isn’t a place for me.”

“yeonjun, why’d you come here?” taehyun interjects, his deer-like eyes soft around the edges. “eight months ago, you could’ve gone anywhere. why’d you come here?”

“i think i thought that this was just the place for me. you know the saying, ‘if you can make it in new york, you can make it anywhere.’ i guess i wanted to prove a lot of things to a lot of people, even myself. and well, now i know i just won’t make it here,” yeonjun finishes.

“you don’t know that. time isn’t running out on you, yeonjun,” taehyun comments, and yeonjun feels that unmistakable burning sensation towards the back of his eyes, but he pushes on.

“it feels like it is, like i’m carrying some ticking time bomb that is my legacy. i’m about to fade back into obscurity any second now if i don’t come up with something new.”

“yeonjun, the world ate up your last magazine shoot. there were headlines about you for a set of five photos! that’s...” taehyun pauses, trying to find the right word. “remarkable,” he finally breathes out. “it’s remarkable. you’re still their it boy, yeonjun,” the brunette finishes, the faith in his voice never wavering.

“yeah, it’s nonsensical, isn’t it?” yeonjun laughs bitterly. “magazine covers and i’m complaining…”

“that’s not what i mean, look here,” taehyun takes yeonjun’s hands in his. “people love you, and it’s not just a few of them. like, a lot of people absolutely adore you and really look forward to your work. remember how well-received ‘suburbia’ was?”

and yeonjun does remember. he remembers spending days holed up in his bedroom closet, where he had carved out enough space for a mic and a seat, meticulously recording the cover. he remembers uploading the video (which was merely a blacked-out screen featuring his vocals) on private, sending it to his former bandmates before officially posting it on the internet. finally, he remembers the wave of support that flooded his unused social media accounts with notifications. he received congratulatory calls from his group members of course, but to his surprise, old friends from the industry and even from his old grade school also made an effort to contact yeonjun. not one to really hold a grudge (well, except concerning the incident), yeonjun tried to make pleasant conversation with everyone who reached out to him. most of those who called were incredibly nice, expressing their delight that yeonjun was still pursuing music. but the differences between his old and new life grew more apparent than ever during those overly polite calls, and yeonjun found himself being extremely glad when they ended. yeonjun’s joy grew when taehyun finished class, as the younger boy made sure to walk into the apartment equipped with a cake and drinks to celebrate. the way the young brunette gushed about the video, voice filled with awe, was what made yeonjun feel the most pride. taehyun was their main vocalist after all, so his compliments meant the world (and more) to the older boy. 

(if yeonjun is being completely honest, what he also remembers from the “suburbia” cover is the nagging guilt that gnawed at his gut during the immediate aftermath of him uploading. because he knows that taehyun’s first posts were so poorly received by several sections of the korean media, who made it a point to overly scrutinize taehyun’s performance for no reason at all besides the fact that they could. since the younger boy was no longer under bighit entertainment, he was practically an open target for whatever criticism-- it was more like targeted hatred, yeonjun notes-- that the public wanted to throw at him, which lots of them did. there was a passionate group of individuals who firmly stood behind taehyun throughout his early endeavors after his departure from korea, but the younger didn’t achieve this same level of widespread acceptance that yeonjun was afforded, especially not in his home country, until a while had passed.) 

“gosh, that had to be like...two months ago? right?” yeonjun stops, trying to recall the upload date. “i keep saying i’ll release more, but i haven’t, and you know...it’s not that my love for music is gone, of course not, but whenever i think about putting new videos out into the world, i physically feel ill.”

“and what are you the most scared of, junie?”

“everything,” yeonjun replies, child-like honesty present in his features. “i don’t know what exactly to pinpoint, i can’t,” his voice breaks, but he continues speaking. “everything is so big out here, everyone is so open, and i’m just another person in the crowd except for the four seconds where my post may end up on someone’s instagram. but it never lasts, they just swipe on to the next hot thing. i should have found my niche by now-- no, i needed to find it-- but i didn’t. and because i failed, i’ve been burdening everyone with this same dumb thing for months, and i just feel like an idiot. i’m a complete and utter fool for ever thinking that flying thousands of miles away would do something to my life that could fix whatever i’ve been feeling.”

yeonjun huffs, leaning his head back, over the edge of the bench. “i feel obnoxious...and guilty. you’ve heard this before, you’ve given me great advice, and i still have these same concerns,” he turns to his brunette friend. the earnest look that taehyun gives yeonjun blows the older boy away, it always does. taehyun manages to seem like he doesn’t just sympathize with yeonjun, but like he also understands (and yeonjun knows that it’s because he does, that taehyun had to struggle to reach this level of internal peace and overall success that isn’t merely based on statistical accomplishments, but also on self satisfaction. the part of yeonjun that knows this screams that there’s a chance for him too, but the fear coursing through the blonde’s veins, the hasty desperation, prevents him from really giving this voice a proper listen). taehyun was admirably blunt and truthful about most things, almost everything in fact, but he also knew when to reel in that side of himself. the younger boy shined at providing support for this reason, since he’s always one to be perceptive of the emotions of other individuals, and he proves it every time yeonjun goes on a tangent like this. word vomit was one of the things the older boy was most susceptible to when he got overwhelmed, but taehyun always knew what to say.

“just because you’ve been struggling with something for a long time, doesn’t mean it still can’t hurt. time doesn’t always erase pain. yeonjun, please look at me.”

taehyun moves from his spot, placing a hand on yeonjun’s jaw, who shivers slightly at the touch. taehyun doesn’t notice, or pretends not to, because the younger boy doesn’t even flinch. “you’re trying to carry too much on your shoulders right now,” the shorter boy whispers.

“i did it before, though. i can do more,” yeonjun comments indignantly, almost naively. there’s a combination of emotions flashing through taehyun’s eyes, but yeonjun doesn’t look too closely, afraid he’ll be able to detect a trace of pity in between the compassion and concern. 

“you’re not who you were in the past though. it doesn’t mean that you can’t do what you used to, it just means that you’ve changed. this change might be good for you.”

“it’s not, because you mean that i’ve regressed.”

“no, i mean that you’ve changed,” taehyun repeats, firmer this time. he sounds so sincere, like he genuinely believes that yeonjun can break through this slump, but yeonjun can’t even bring himself to hold an ounce of the belief that taehyun has in him. he feels unworthy of such a great gift, like he doesn’t even deserve it.

“we can go home yeonjun,” taehyun interjects, seeing the way the older boy’s shoulders are beginning to shake with a couple of silent sobs. he guides yeonjun to a standing position, locking their fingers together with such a solid grip that it manages to steady the older blonde. “we can go home.”

\--

they’re sitting on yeonjun’s bed now. taehyun is holding his cup of chamomile tea, sipping at it occasionally, while yeonjun places his down on his bedside table before leaning flat on his back, right on top of his comforter. he didn’t quite feel like he could stomach much more than a few gulps at the moment.

“i know you’re attached to who you were, back when we were all a group,” taehyun starts, placing his mug of tea in between his knees. “but yeonjun, i like this version of you more,” he finishes, beginning to card his fingers through yeonjun’s blonde hair. it’s not taehyun’s actions that astound the older boy-- this level of physical affection was completely normal for them now-- no, it’s the brunette’s words.

“i know you’re still trying to figure stuff out, but i still get to see you be relaxed in some ways that you’ve never gotten to be before,” taehyun points out. “your life is devoid of some of the glitz and glamour of the idol world, sure, but i think what you have going for you is just as beautiful. you’re stunning, yeonjun, and i mean it in more ways than one.”

“you don’t want to be yeonjun the idol,” the brunette continues. “you know deep down that it’s not what you want overall, you’re just missing parts of that life. but is it really worth it, the fame in exchange for your livelihood?”

“was it worth it?” taehyun asks, looking straight at yeonjun, who continues to stare at the (ugly, taehyun often complained) popcorn ceiling. “that’s a question only you can answer, yeonjun, but i think we both have an idea as to what the truth is based on your decision to come here.”

“you can go back yeonjun. you can stay here too, or you could fly anywhere else that your heart desires, because you have a place in this world, jun. you have a gift that no one else has, something embedded in your soul that only you have the keys to access. it’s up to you to figure out where you want to plant your roots and share that gift.”

“how did you figure it out? where to go?” yeonjun questions the brunette, who giggles a little bit.

“i didn’t have anywhere else to go, really. maybe there were other options, but none of them were as clear as coming to new york and living with one of my good friends for a while,” taehyun admitted. “he gave me a place to live, helped me find some jobs, and was the pushing factor for me to go into school. then i met his friends, and found my community,” the brunette pauses, taking a long swig of his tea in between his trains of thought. “i guess i had it a little easier than you do, you know, because i kind of just worked and went to school and met people naturally. it’s a lot harder when you’re not doing those kinds of social things, so i’m sorry.” 

(and that also astounds the blonde, because he always felt bad, feeling like he had it easier than taehyun did. to know that the brunette experiences some of the same guilt is an earth-shattering revelation of sorts.)

“no, you try to bring me out as much as you can,” yeonjun is quick to say, to shut down whatever thought has entered taehyun’s conscience. “i just don’t think i fit. i’ve never had people not like me before-- well, i have-- but i guess having public opinion about you from your peers being so neutral is really scary.”

“but it’s a clean slate, yeonjun. that’s a blank canvas for you, full of chances. you have the ability to turn this whole situation into whatever you so desire.”

“can i?” yeonjun chokes. “it doesn’t feel like i can do anything right now.”

“you can, yeonjun. if there’s one thing i do know about you, it’s that you’re the most capable person i’ve ever met. you just have to let yourself be just that, let yourself be capable. let yourself fail when you do things but then just...keep trying. there’s not much else to do here,” taehyun puts his hand on yeonjun’s shoulder, grounding the older boy.

“it’s a city of competition. it’s the hardest place to make yourself stand out in the entire world. but you’re choi yeonjun,” taehyun moves down to eye level. “remember that. you’re choi yeonjun, the one who went viral every other week for some incredibly silly clips and other performance ones that still blow me away. you’re the one who trained for four years without any promise of debuting, the one who stuck with it for the longest. you’re the one who lead our group in your own way behind the scenes, and we couldn’t have done it without you, don’t you forget. you’re the one beomgyu has always seen as his role model. you’re the one soobin has always leaned on for comfort when times got tough. you’re the one who basically helped raise hyuka, teaching him everything you deemed useful since he was nothing more than a gangly fourteen year old. and you’re the one who has taken care of me for the longest, the one who’s been there with me through everything. that experience counts for something. i don’t know for what exactly, only you have the ability to discover what that is, but it does count. you’re going to be okay.”

“you know, karma and all,” taehyun finishes. “i don’t think it’s that simple, but i firmly believe that the world is on your side. you’re a good person, the best i know actually. you’re worthy of whatever you desire, and i think the forces of the universe will help you get just that.”

“and if they don’t? still, fight for it, fight for for what you deserve. if you still fail, well,” taehyun looks around their cramped living quarters. yeonjun’s manhattan bedroom is actually the size of a walk in closet, but they make do. taehyun was extremely proud of his own proficiency at finding the perfect pieces of furniture that provided enough storage while still allowing them to maximize the space of their apartment, and fit a full bed in this tiny room. “you can always come back here. you always have a place in my home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was long overdue. if i'm being completely honest, i lost total direction for this story at one point, but when i got it back, i wrote for like 8 hours straight (from 10 PM to 6 AM). this was supposed to be a two part story, but now it's going to be three or four i think just due to the sheer volume of words i have written. i am so excited <3 i hope to do taejun nation a good service with my fics, so hopefully you enjoyed at least part of this! i know it's pretty platonic so far but i really do appreciate taejun's friendship so so so x100 much.
> 
> anyways, i hope you all look forward to the next chapter(s? potentially)! let me know any of your thoughts below. thank you for all of your support! i appreciate it so much. i'll try to get out a new chapter asap. goodbye! stay safe, healthy, and happy everyone.  
> twitter: @DECALCOMONlA


	3. part 3

“hey,” yeonjun addresses taehyun upon emerging from his room for the first time that day, four weeks after the party. it’s the weekend, saturday in fact, and the blonde boy had gone to bed incredibly late the night before. henceforth, he doesn’t leave his bedroom until four o’clock the next afternoon. he finds taehyun sitting on the kitchen countertop in a style that he had taught yeonjun how to say in english, calling it “criss-cross applesauce” (which was one of the many phrases the brunette had eagerly explained to yeonjun upon his arrival, joking that it was an absolutely essential part of a person’s blossoming english vocabulary).

taehyun looks up from the computer he’s staring at, tongue slightly hanging out of his mouth as he tries to focus on his work. “what’s up, jun?”

“i was wondering if you wanted to go for a bike ride later?” yeonjun states, but it comes out like more of a question than anything.

“a bike ride?” taehyun echoes back. “isn’t it kind of cold though?” the younger boy asks, glancing up from his laptop and over towards the black-rimmed window in their kitchen. 

“we don’t have to,” yeonjun rushes to say, but taehyun thinks it over for all of fifteen seconds before shaking his head.

“no, it sounds great. what time were you thinking?”

“whenever you’re done with your assignment, i guess. i’m not busy, obviously,” yeonjun answers, a sheepish smile growing on his face as he looks out the window and realizes that the sun is already beginning to get lower in the sky.

taehyun briefly looks at his laptop screen, and then turns back to yeonjun as he swiftly shuts it. “okay, i’m done.”

“taehyun--”

“yeonjun, it’s not due until next monday. i have like, nine more days, to get the second half of it done. i think i’ll be okay,” taehyun contends, jumping off of the counter. 

“you sure? i don’t want to--”

“if you say intrude or interrupt, i swear to god--” the brunette jokingly holds up his laptop, which he was moving to put on his desk, as if he would hit the older boy with it. 

“okay, okay, i’m sorry,” yeonjun playfully holds up his hands in surrender. “i just don’t want to inconvenience--”

“i swear to god, yeonjun,” the younger brunette groans.

“kidding, kidding! okay, i have to go get ready but uh, door by five?”

taehyun peers up at the digital clock on the microwave. it reads 4:38 PM.

“it’s a date,” the brunette answers, and something in yeonjun’s heart seizes a little bit (heartburn, he figures even though his head screams otherwise. still, yeonjun was always good at ignoring things that he didn’t particularly want to think about). 

taehyun is the first one to the door, since he still gets ready a bit faster than the older boy. again, yeonjun finds him sitting on top of something he probably shouldn’t be-- this time it’s the edge of the table next to their entrance-- since it’s in no way safe, but since taehyun bought the furniture, who was yeonjun to dictate anything? taehyun is busying himself on his phone when he hears yeonjun emerging from his room. the younger brunette peeks up, swinging his chunky, patent leather boots in a lackadaisical manner from where he’s perched on top of the desk, since his feet can’t touch the ground from up there. 

“ready to go?” the brunette smiles in that endearing way of his, and he somehow looks cuter with his eyes crinkling like that, something yeonjun didn’t fully know was possible. there’s a dimple appearing on his left cheek, and yeah, yeonjun could definitely admit that taehyun was an absolute stunner. there is no way around it, from his plaid pants and funky boots to the single dangly silver chain hanging from his right ear to the way he somehow managed to perfectly suit every hair color, but especially suited this particular shade of chestnut brown. and yeonjun knows that it’s normal to see your friends as pretty, he did work in the idol industry, but gosh, something about taehyun’s beauty feels different. it’s almost magical, the way everything about this boy pulls yeonjun in. yeonjun feels very much exposed, almost like he’s that newly debuted, shy nineteen year old version of himself again, in the sense that he’s been preparing for this for so long but now the moment’s here and he doesn’t know what to do. but it’s a poor analogy in the sense that there isn’t one single single defining moment that yeonjun has when it comes to taehyun, because if he thinks about it, the past eight months have all been about taehyun. yeonjun’s destiny and taehyun’s had been intertwined ever since taehyun accepted the older boy with such open arms, bringing him into his home, and now they were just a duo. sure, they frequently did their own things, but invitations to events came in twos, and so did movie tickets, meals, and all of that jazz. yeonjun thinks he’s a little naive for allowing himself to believe that he’s special, that they could maybe someday go from a pair (of roommates) to a pairing, but how could he not when taehyun grants him that gift of a smile; that darling one where taehyun goes all starry eyed, and gosh, yeonjun is floored by how attracted he is to taehyun. watching it from afar, through screens almost three thousand miles away in korea, is nothing compared to getting to observe it in person, and yeonjun figures that he’s hopelessly gone at this point.

when yeonjun answers that yes, he is ready to go, taehyun just jokingly calls him a slowpoke and hops off of the table, offering the older boy another blinding grin. yeonjun thinks he glows just from the force of that look.

\--

“the sun’s setting,” taehyun notes. they’re standing on dock, holding their bikes next to them as they peer out at the water, where the sun is setting on the horizon. the sky looks almost like it’s been set ablaze, fiery orange in color. “do you want to get food?”

at the mention of dinner, yeonjun’s stomach rumbles quietly, so that only the blonde himself can hear it. well, he had skipped breakfast and dinner by waking up at four.

“sure, you have a spot in mind?”

taehyun shakes his head, looking around. they’re at pier 64 on 24th street, right along the hudson river. “do you want anything in particular?”

“korean? we haven’t had it in a while, and k-town is like, only a few streets over,” yeonjun proposes. taehyun nods, letting the sleeves of his lavender cardigan fall over his hands. he’d pulled the sweater out of a coat closet right before they had left, and upon realizing that a lavender top and chocolate brown, plaid pants weren’t exactly the most conventional pairing of garments, had merely shrugged and gone outside anyway. 

“sounds good. missing it?” taehyun questions. he’s trying to prod subtly, not wanting to force yeonjun into saying anything, but still attempting to gauge how the older boy feels. yeonjun can tell he’s a little worried, has been ever since that one talk, but he just shakes his head.

“no, i honestly feel a bit better since...you know, i got it all off of my chest. i’m not too homesick right now,” the older blonde reveals. “however, i do miss the food back there.” 

taehyun nods in agreement, growing a little less tense at the older’s admission. “i understand. i’m going to get cheese tteokbokki no matter what.”

“cheese tteokbokki?” yeonjun mocks, making his voice higher in pitch in an attempt to mimic one of taehyun’s famous clips from their promotional days. they’re actually together in that clip, yeonjun having asked taehyun what food he wanted from the bowling alley. a young taehyun had responded to yeonjun’s question with an answer of cheese tteokbokki in an unintentionally adorable tone, and then the video instantly went viral. taehyun always had that effect on people, yeonjun decides, with the brunette being as charming as he was. he drew people in, even as a lanky and mildly awkward (at least, compared to this more mature, more realized version of himself) seventeen year old.

taehyun laughs at the reference. “oh my god, please do not.”

“i still think it’s cute, if that means anything,” yeonjun supplies, and taehyun’s cheeks slightly flush pink at the older boy’s words. yeonjun chalks it up to embarrassment.

“come on, i need my fill,” taehyun holds out his arm, ready for yeonjun to take it. the blonde boy raises an eyebrow.

“role reversal?”

“i’m expanding my talents, you know. i figured that i also needed to be the one whose arm is held at least once to really be an expert in this field.”

“well,” yeonjun secures their arms together in a quick motion. “the verdict is?”

“overall, very positive,” taehyun laughs. “now, come on, onward to food!”

“how much do you bet that we’ll get recognized?” yeonjun questions when they’re halfway there, out of mere curiosity. they had been to k-town a few times before, both separately and together, and it was the destination where they got identified the easiest.

“not as much as i would have a while ago,” taehyun admits. “i think we’re kind of fading. people are forgetting us. back in my day, we used to be kind of cool,” he jokes, prodding at yeonjun’s side with his elbow. yeonjun instinctively smiles good-naturedly at the younger boy’s antics, but he only allows the grin to last for a split second before taking on a joking scowl of an expression.

“stop speaking like an elder, you brat,” yeonjun scolds. “you’re making me feel older than i am.”

but what taehyun says resonates with yeonjun a little, especially when they manage to pass through k-town without a single disturbance, as no one recognizes them that day. after spending so long in hiding or with forced distance from the general public, being able to go out as he pleased was still quite the treat for yeonjun. in some ways, it was for taehyun too, although he was able to experience much more of the real world in his first few years away. nevertheless, despite how freeing it could be to see and experience the world from outside of the camera lens, yeonjun still feels burdened at times by a fear of becoming less relevant, of losing his spark to the world.

but taehyun tells him right there, on the intersection of 29th street and 6th ave, to not worry because “i still think you’re cool, jun.” taehyun’s tone is light and affectionate, like it usually is when they’re together, and it always helps zero yeonjun down to earth in a way. sure, his fame was taking a nosedive off of a cliff, especially with these multiple breaks that he was going on. yet taehyun always makes sure to remind yeonjun of how impressive his talents are, how he still thinks that yeonjun is worthy of the “cool” label, and these simple compliments somehow manage to make up for so much that yeonjun has lost. 

\--

“they’re having a sample sale!”

“is this really the only thing that gets you excited?” taehyun quirks a brow.

“come on, there are going to be some limited edition pieces on the racks that i need to get my hands on,” yeonjun lightly tugs at taehyun’s wrist. “please come with me,” the blonde slightly juts out his lower lip, hoping to make the younger boy cave.

and of course it works, because taehyun knowingly deems himself to be a weak man, as that one gesture had him becoming putty in the older boy’s hands. “fine,” he sighs.

“oh don’t sound so grumpy, i’m sure you’ll find something like you always do.”

“that’s because you leave me for an hour while you go wait in the lines for the dressing room! what am i supposed to do?” taehyun scoffs.

“exactly what you have been doing, finding clothes for yourself!” yeonjun gives a quick cheer. “okay, it starts tomorrow at eight in the morning according to the online ad i found.”

“i can not believe i am letting you drag me to another one of these,” taehyun groans, writing furiously on the piece of scratch paper he procures from his drawer. “however, you did pay for my tteokbokki last week, so i guess i do owe you.”

“you’re the best, hyunnie~” yeonjun coos before retreating back into his bedroom, presumably to look through more ads or his closet, whichever sparked his fancy. yeonjun had acquired a new modelling job in the past month, an event that always managed to increase his interest in fashion tenfold (and yeonjun’s love for fashion had not dwindled since their trainee days, so that was saying something). this led to them attending these sample sales, which yeonjun absolutely adored because of the chances of picking up super rare pieces.

taehyun shakes his head as he watches yeonjun go, a smile instinctively growing on his face. the corners of his mouth twitch, his cheeks pulling upwards as he laughs. gosh, yeonjun was truly something else. things were different when they were trainees, but nowadays, yeonjun was the only person who could get taehyun out of bed before nine o’clock on a weekend morning, especially as a university student.

\--

“what do you do if you like someone?” yeonjun types into the google search bar later that week, a mere few days after their trip to the sample sale. as yeonjun predicted, they both ended up buying a fair amount of clothes, but yeonjun was not prepared to see taehyun emerge from the building with a folded, black leather skirt. according to taehyun, it ends below his knees, it was on sale, and he got it because he felt like it. yeonjun makes sure to stress how rad he thought, no, knows, it would look on the younger boy.

however, that incident (combined with another from the previous day, where yeonjun wakes up to taehyun cuddled into his chest after a late movie night) acts as a catalyst that leads to yeonjun’s current predicament. after a moment, the older boy adds the word “gay” to the end of his search.

this was normal, right?

see, yeonjun had no clue where to turn to right now. he was alone in new york with his best friend, and even though that would be the person he would turn to under normal circumstances, yeonjun’s life was anything but simple. so of course, the person in question, his potential crush, just had to be said best friend. and this best friend had told yeonjun during one particular conversation they had months ago that he had explored his sexuality online when he was younger. taehyun was incredibly forthcoming with stories of how he managed to learn about his sexuality through informative blog posts on tumblr, chat forums, and a hoard of lgbtq+ films ("if there's one thing school taught me, it's to make use of all available resources," the younger brunette had said. "you find ways to expose yourself to the things that people are trying to keep away from you, and during middle school, i just really wanted to know if other people thought about kissing boys too," he grinned). yeonjun decided that now was a good time for him to try similar methods, to see what others were saying. he wasn't looking for the advice itself per se, as he was more so searching for the stories as a form of reassurance, looking for comfort in the fact that someone out there could be in a similar position to him. yeonjun already felt quite alone in the big city, but the anonymity of the internet was much easier for him to navigate, and so he did.

and as luck would have it, there were a bunch of people who had experienced different variations of yeonjun's current situation, and had promptly left behind a gold mine of helpful advice. god bless the internet, the blonde decides. 

“the trevor project: i have a crush!” is the headline on one article, the first one to show up. yeonjun clicks, and scrolls, and hits it. jackpot.

“i think i am in love with my best friend. she is amazing, and so supportive of my sexuality. how can i ask her out? what if she says no?”

well, yeonjun could certainly work with that (with minor tweaks of course).

“𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥? 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 '𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞-𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞' 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥. 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡.”

yeonjun peers at the computer screen, chewing on his lower lip. the thing is, he knew what the answer to the question would be before he even read it. he's heard it all before, that he just needs to take a little initiative and see where it takes him. despite all of this knowledge, all of these discoveries he's made in the past year, there's still something keeping yeonjun firmly on the ground. the most frustrating part of it all is that this is where the gap in yeonjun's understanding exists. it's difficult to pinpoint what exactly the anchor yanking at his ankle is made of, because every time yeonjun swims down to find out, he finds himself terrified and rushing back to the surface in an attempt to avoid and forget. having a crush is not the hard part; it's the thinking that comes with it, the bag of variable what ifs that opens when one explores what they feel. in the midst of the complications--ones that don't necessarily come with crushing on taehyun, but ones that the older boy's conscience creates-- there's still that one nagging part of yeonjun's soul that is so full of hope, something yeonjun usually believes is totally unfounded (but manifesting wishes was possible, right? yeonjun thinks he remembers taehyun explaining something about a friend who used a combination of meditation and writing techniques as a form of manifestation).

well, yeonjun never considered himself to be especially concerned with the principles of the world, with concepts like energy and spirituality, or things of those sorts. but right now, he figured he could use a little good fortune, maybe even a little magic, on his side.

(when toying around with lyrics one night, the phrase "makes my heart sparkle" ends up on the corner of one of the sheets of paper yeonjun was staring at. the blonde quickly crossed it out, not particularly fond of the way he worded the line, but the meaning stands.

by the end of that week, the song's lyrics are finalized. yeonjun titles the page with the name of the song, "querencia." it ends up tucked away in the small drawer beside his bed, right on top of a stack of other unreleased songs. they say the things yeonjun can't just yet. the songs allow yeonjun to safely tuck away some of the emotions that risk spilling out of his mouth. the feelings aren't discarded; they can't be, they're too powerful. instead, they're immortalized within the spines of a handful of notebooks and entire stacks of loose leaf.)

\--

one night, while their conversation is dying down, yeonjun takes the plunge. 

“you asked me before, why i came here,” yeonjun starts saying. the older boy is sprawled out on the sofa, while taehyun is sitting daintily beside him in their living room’s hanging chair, scribbling something in a notebook. taehyun’s brown hair is effortlessly tousled, glasses resting on his nose, and yeonjun looks away to the floor. “what i said before was true, about new york. everything was here, and i thought that this was a place i could find my passion. you know, come to america and start over, that kind of thing. hope that people here like me,” he trails off.

“but you know, i came here for you too,” yeonjun finishes, his first confession of sorts. there’s so much left unsaid with that sentence, but taehyun looks like he understands, and yeonjun lets it be when the brunette wraps him in a hug.

“i’m glad. i needed you here,” taehyun whispers, and that simple statement has yeonjun tearing up. “and yeonjun?”

“yeah?”

“you’re welcome here as long as my lease is going. you have a place here, in new york, no matter what. this city never sleeps, it’s always ready for a new star,” taehyun puts a little bit of distance between their chests so that he can look into yeonjun’s eyes. “be that star, whatever that means for you.”

\--

see, yeonjun wanted to say more, do more, in those later weeks. however, as usual, the universe has other plans, and with all its antics, the cosmos decide to bring more friends into the situation, because there is no easier way to stir up chaos.

huening kai is the first to visit the two of them in new york. yeonjun picks the youngest boy up at the airport because taehyun has a morning class on wednesdays, but when the two of them return to the apartment after a long drive back from JFK, taehyun had already arrived back at their place and even went out to buy a small cake for kai’s arrival. kai barrels towards his friend upon entering the room, and the youngest two end up cuddling on the couch for a solid five minutes before they pull yeonjun down too. 

“god, i’ve missed you,” taehyun claims, wrapping his arms around kai. kai just laughs.

“it’s nice to see you too, you know, outside of a phone screen. my two favorite members,” huening kai proclaims, pulling them both into his side.

“knock it off kai. soobin already warned me, he said you’ve said this to both him and beomgyu when you visited them,” yeonjun scoffs, but he leans in to snuggle into the youngest. “gosh, it’s really been too long.” 

the three of them don’t separate for a bit, content with just enjoying each other’s presence. yeonjun can’t help but smile when he sees how huening kai and taehyun are absolutely wrapped up in one another, which is understandable considering the fact that the two best friends hadn’t seen each other in person for almost two years at this point. like yeonjun said, it really had been too long, but kai was going to join their bubble for just a little while, and that was greatly promising. yeonjun was absolutely certain that with time, the others would come too, and it would be the five of them against the world again. yeonjun couldn’t wait, and based on the fact that taehyun tears up a little bit at some point during the afternoon (a fact he tries his hardest to deny, especially with kai’s ribbing), the brunette boy could not either. if there was anyone who was the most eager for a reunion amongst the five of them, it was taehyun. he would always be a part of them.

\--

“i will not hesitate to give your drink to yeonjun,” yeonjun hears taehyun tell kai as he exits his bedroom, eyes trained on his phone. a pout immediately forms on the face of the eldest as he looks up.

“you didn’t get me anything?” yeonjun asks.

“no, no, of course i did,” taehyun answers, pulling out a third drink from the side pocket of his bookbag. “but that wouldn’t have allowed me to threaten hyuka as effectively. here you go.”

“ah, smart,” yeonjun praises the brunette. “manipulation. soobin and i taught you well, i see.”

“ah! soobin says hi by the way!” kai exclaims suddenly. “i totally forgot to tell you guys, but we were facetiming last night. he said he’ll come by as soon as he can, whenever that drama of his wraps up.”

“really?” taehyun’s face lights up. “oh my gosh, beomgyu said he’s going to visit in the next few months too! hyuka, you have to come back if their trips coincide.”

“i wouldn’t miss it for the world,” kai answers truthfully, beaming. “gosh. i can’t wait until it does happen, you know? i feel like i’ve been waiting forever,” the youngest finishes saying, as the smile on his face turns into something softer, more melancholic in a sense. yeonjun easily identifies the longing in kai’s look, the way the youngest wishes that it could have all turned out just slightly different, because he felt (feels?) the same way.

“me too,” taehyun agrees, sipping at his bubble tea as he begins to walk down the long, narrow hallway towards his own room. “i’m going to go shower and change, i feel gross after being in the lecture halls all day. just give me like, twenty minutes, tops.”

“i’ll start dinner,” yeonjun calls out.

“you’re the best, love you,” taehyun blows a kiss to the oldest boy before shutting the door to his bedroom. yeonjun would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel how his cheeks warmed up, but with his complexion, he doubts that it’s too visible.

yeonjun retreats into their cramped kitchen, picking up the wholesale bag of rice that they had bought the previous weekend from the floor. he’s halfway through the process of moving it to the countertop when kai suddenly speaks up.

“i know you like taehyun.”

just like that, the bag of rice yeonjun is holding drops from his hands, hitting the floor with a loud thump. the oldest boy tries, and fails, to subtly turn around and face kai. “what?” he almost screeches, quieting his voice to a whisper at the last possible second.

“you like taehyun,” kai repeats, matter-of-fact, like he didn’t just state yeonjun’s biggest secret, if it was even that anymore (good lord, especially if hyuka knew and he had been here for what, five days? however, yeonjun was more than familiar with how observant kai was, a trait that was both a blessing-- he was great at providing comfort and support-- and a curse, as it was slightly terrifying in situations similar to the one yeonjun is currently in). 

“...how did you know? does he know?” yeonjun whisper screams.

“i don’t think so?” it sounds like more of a question than anything, which alarms the oldest blonde.

“i swear to god kai…”

“listen, i didn’t tell him or anything, but taehyun is just really attune to everything. you know this.”

“so you think he knows? is that why you’re bringing it up?” yeonjun whispers, feeling the rush of heat to his forehead. combined with the erratic pounding of his heart, these were all indicative signs of the utter fear the oldest blonde feels.

“i think he has an idea, but i’m not sure,” kai chews on his bottom lip, tone cautious. yeonjun groans.

“if he knows, why didn’t he come talk to me?” yeonjun chokes out. his questions leave kai speechless, as the younger continues to merely nibble on his lip. yeonjun, not enjoying the unintentional silent treatment he’s receiving, suddenly stops in his tracks as his brain goes haywire. “oh my gosh, what if he hates me?”

kai rolls his eyes at that. “okay, i thought you were a little more rational than this.”

“i’m being serious!” yeonjun quietly yelps.

“i am too! this is taehyun we’re talking about,” kai reminds yeonjun, who huffs. “let’s not forget that he’s literally been your biggest fan since he was fourteen.”

“but this is different, kai,” yeonjun breathes out, voice wavering slightly. “god, i like him. like, _like_ like him. this isn’t some little thing, this is serious.”

“and so was the news story, but you two clearly got out of it fine,” kai states, a sense of hard certainty in his voice. “listen, you two are the closest you’ve ever been, despite us being disbanded. that’s like, _super_ rare. i really think you should talk to him.”

“you really think so?” yeonjun mutters, hands gripping the counter before him.

“really,” kai confidently repeats back to the eldest boy. “you’ll never know unless you say something. don’t risk the chance of you always having to wonder what could have been. that’ll just suck way worse than any rejection you could get, but i…” kai stops, moving to pat yeonjun’s shoulder. “i have a feeling you won’t be getting one of those.”

yeonjun groans, leaning his head on top of his hands for a few seconds before popping back up. “i’ll consider it,” he warns. “like, seriously, i’ll consider it and not in one of those fake ways. i just have to think about how i’d actually do this.”

“good. i have your back, junie. you know, you’ve always been my mini me.”

yeonjun yelps at that, picking his hands off of the marble countertop to hit kai softly on the shoulder. “hey! have some respect!”

that’s how taehyun finds them when he steps in front of the kitchen archway, leaning against the open entrance. yeonjun has kai in a headlock, and the youngest boy is laughing rather than trying to get out of yeonjun’s hold. taehyun pauses there for a few seconds, watching their antics with the utmost adoration, before he steps into the room.

“i can’t leave you guys alone, i see, without a fight breaking out.”

“come on, what else would you expect from us?” kai rebuttals, laughing when yeonjun merely tightens his grip. “let me go, you tiny, inferior being!”

kai should have expected it, but he earns a punch square in the side from taehyun for that brutal remark, in addition to the hits yeonjun himself delivers.

\--

“guys,” taehyun walks into the living room, shoving his phone in his pocket. “is it okay if i bring a kid in here for a couple hours?”

yeonjun merely quirks a brow. “a kid?”

“yeah, my friend needs someone to babysit their niece. they have an art exhibition tonight.”

“sure, i don’t mind,” yeonjun shrugs, turning to the boy sitting next to him. “hyuka?”

huening kai waves them off. “this is your house, don’t let me stop you guys from doing anything.”

“they’ll be coming in a few hours. now, help me clean, please,” taehyun pleads, shuffling around the living room, trying to straighten everything out. “this place is a mess, and i know it’s like, eighty five percent my fault, but i’ve been really busy with school and i can not have a small child in this tornado of a home so please,” the brunette rambles, jogging around the room. yeonjun pushes himself off of the couch with a sigh, and kai soon follows; the two of them dragging their feet as they move to help fix up the home.

the kid arrives two and a half hours later, which is all time that the trio spends cleaning (gosh, how so much mess could pile up in such a small apartment was still a mystery to yeonjun). eventually, taehyun’s friend, who the brunette introduces as elliott, arrives with their niece sofia. after a quick briefing period on instructions and the subsequent goodbyes that followed, the three of them are left with the adorable five year old girl, who is clinging on to a pink stuffed bear.

taehyun kneels down so that he’s at eye level with the shy young girl, who is decidedly staring at her white eyelet flats, avoiding eye contact with the three boys in the room who tower over her tiny frame.

“that’s a very nice bear you have there. what it’s name, sofia?” taehyun asks gently.

there’s a brief moment of silence where the young girl pauses, before she mumbles out the name “beary” as a reply, and taehyun squeals just the tiniest bit before regaining his composure.

“that’s a great name,” he praises sofia. “would you like to play with some more plushies? help beary make a few friends, perhaps?” taehyun asks, and that peaks the small girl’s interest. her head is turning upwards within five seconds as she cautiously takes a peek around their living room.

“you have more animals?”

“yes, we do!” taehyun smiles, pointing over to the couch, where kai had displayed the one stuffed animal he had brought for his trip, and the few that he had managed to find around taehyun and yeonjun’s home (most of which were gifts from kai). “you can play with any of them you want. come on, i’ll walk you over,” taehyun holds out his palm, which the young girl takes after a brief moment of hesitation. her own hand barely covers a fraction of taehyun’s, something yeonjun can’t help but openly coo at. taehyun introduces sofia to yeonjun and kai, and she looks apprehensive at first, but kai immediately offers her a plushie to play with and the rest is history. they have several tea parties with the stuffed animals, all four of them plus the eight or so plushies lined up. taehyun then looks through the bag that elliott left for them, and finds a princess dress within it, so he naturally asks the girl if she wants to dress up. when she agrees, they allow her to get changed while yeonjun rushes into his room to find prince-like garb. he eventually manages to locate a pair of fitted white pants and a black suede button-up embellished with gold buttons, the closest thing he owns to a true prince-like blazer. taehyun takes on the role of a knight while kai becomes a servant after losing at an intense game of rock paper scissors. suddenly, the four of them are trying to escape from the imaginary “bad guys” that sofia warns them about, all running around the living room in fits of laughter.

taehyun dramatically collapses onto the floor when he gets quote unquote captured. “princess, i’ve been defeated! save yourself,” he cries.

sofia gasps in horror, but eyes the pillow on the couch and suddenly picks it up, giggling. “step on this pillow! you can avoid the lava this way!” taehyun complies easily, getting up from the carpet to stand on top of the throw pillow.

“i’m saved! you’re so smart princess!” he exclaims. the sincerity and dedication within taehyun’s acting sends kai and yeonjun into hysterics from where they’re standing on opposite ends of the room. eventually, the game of royalty turns into one big match of “the floor is lava”, which all four of them get incredibly serious about. kai and sofia tie for the victors after taehyun falls into yeonjun during one of his turns, knocking them both off of the mat they were trying to jump to.

(“i can not believe you just betrayed me like this.”

“it was an accident!” taehyun repeats for the fourth time, but yeonjun is still shaking his head.

“there is no excuse. you cost me a chance at victory,” yeonjun complains as taehyun leads him to the corner of the living room, so they can get out of the way of the final two players.)

as a prize for sofia’s win, taehyun gets a mini ice cream bar out of his freezer and hands it to the elated five year old. when huening kai tries to grab one, he slaps the younger boy’s hand away, to which kai lets out an indignant squawk of protest. taehyun just sticks out his tongue and shoves the box of ice cream back into the depths of their tiny, over packed freezer.

taehyun does end up shouldering most of the babysitting responsibilities that night, citing that he was the one who decided to take the job so it was him who had to do most of the caretaking. still, kai and yeonjun insist on cooking dinner, and whip up a classic dish in mac and cheese for sofia (who kai immediately recognizes as his favorite person in the room). the two impromptu chefs are extremely pleased when sofia thoroughly enjoys the meal, eating every piece of pasta in her bowl. kai, who is definitely still a rookie in the kitchen, bows dramatically at the end of the dinner. taehyun almost boos at him, but upon realizing that the young girl was sitting next to him, decides to just roll his eyes so that she can’t copy his mannerisms. he doesn’t want to set a bad precedent for a child (a claim that yeonjun would heavily protest, citing the fact that the brunette already cursed in front of sofia on accident. taehyun merely covers sofia’s ears and gets the young girl to stick out her tongue at yeonjun, a carbon copy of what taehyun would have done).

yeonjun thinks his heart grows, like, three sizes that day when he sees just how good taehyun is with kids. he’s perfect, just the right amount of calm and gentle, but also incredibly quick-witted and up for anything (if it’s relatively safe) that will allow a child to have fun. with the more time he spends with taehyun and the more tasks they tackle together, yeonjun just grows more sure of the fact that that the younger boy is a, free of any and all flaws and b, completely out of his league. while taehyun brings sofia downstairs to return her to elliott’s care at the end of the night, yeonjun expresses all of this to kai, who merely scoffs at such an idea.

“i swear, taehyun thinks you like hung the stars or some shit, and you think he hung the moon. you’re both delusional, maybe that’s why you’re perfect for one another!”

“i’m being serious kai,” yeonjun whines.

“so am i, and that’s why it’s just painful,” kai says, casting a knowing glance over his shoulder as he retreats further down the dim lit hallway.

\--

a little over one month later, kai is firmly back in korea for the time being, and yeonjun, after garnering a creative spark of sorts, has released two (2!) whole covers in the span of four weeks, a feat he definitely pats himself on the back for. meanwhile, taehyun is forced to drag his feet through a mountain of exams and final presentations, something that makes the younger brunette a rare sight in their apartment nowadays (for his study spot of choice was this quaint bookstore across the street from one of his lecture halls). to his surprise, yeonjun manages to track down taehyun today, but the younger still manages to find a way out of being stuck within the four white walls of his apartment. when yeonjun knocks on the window leading out to the fire escape, taehyun looks over from his laptop before smiling in recognition. he sticks out his foot to swing the glass panel open, getting up from his seat on one of the steps.

“hi there,” taehyun salutes before swiftly stepping foot through his window, re-entering his bedroom with his computer in hand. yeonjun nods in acknowledgement, and plops down on top of the large fleece blanket covering the brunette’s bed. taehyun recognizes the code yeonjun is using, his actions indicative of the fact that he wants to talk, so he quickly puts his laptop on top of his small wooden desk so that it can charge. the younger boy bounds over to his bed, settling himself down next to yeonjun.

“uh,” yeonjun wipes his palms on his jeans, resting his hands on top of his knees. “i have something to ask you.”

“okay,” taehyun leans back so that he’s laying down on the mattress. “ask away,” he grins teasingly at the obvious statement from the older boy.

there’s a moment where yeonjun pauses, questioning if he really wants to do this. but he remembers the genuine, hopeful look on kai’s face when he told yeonjun that he knew, and if kai believed in them, then why couldn’t he? a year apart couldn’t dwindle the trust yeonjun had for the youngest member of his former group, just like three years apart didn’t eliminate the love he has for taehyun either.

“i was thinking that maybe i could come to pride with you, if that’s okay,” yeonjun starts, and that has taehyun shooting up like a rocket, sitting upright on his bed once again.

“wait, you’re saying yes? you want to go?” the neutral expression on taehyun’s face is washed over by an oncoming wave of excitement, something so genuine that it appears almost childlike in nature. it’s a look of such surefire glee that yeonjun finds himself kind of breathless at its purity. “really?”

two weeks ago, when taehyun asked yeonjun if he wanted to come along with him to pride, yeonjun had promised that he would consider it. to taehyun, that meant that yeonjun’s answer was a no, but yeonjun meant what he said, that he would think about his decision. yeonjun had a tendency to overthink things at times, and while he was certainly out to the public, going out in public and while being out still made bits of terror churn in the blonde’s stomach. it had taken a long while for him to settle on going, a decision he makes after a lot of encouragement from beomgyu in particular (who kai had filled in on the whole situation, something the youngest dubs “operation taejun”. yeonjun makes sure to tell beomgyu that the wonderful but meddling youngest should sleep with one eye open from that day forth).

(“what’s the worst that could happen?” beomgyu asks.

“do you really want me to answer that,” yeonjun deadpans, chewing on his lip. this bad habit of his left his lips in a constantly ravaged state. they’re always chapped, and occasionally they’re bitten so bad that they crack and bleed. beomgyu, noticing the older boy’s mannerisms, makes sure to scold him.

“hey! stop that!” beomgyu, who is also a blonde now, cries. “come on, think about how happy taehyunie would be to go with you. you’re his favorite person~”

“he literally told me to, and i quote, ‘choke’ today.”

“ah, young love,” beomgyu sighs dreamily. “now, are you going or not?”

yeonjun just whines in response, shoving his head into his hands. “i just don’t like the thought of being seen. i want people-- him-- to see me, really see me, sure. still, i also don’t want other people to judge, and i know they will.”

“judge you for what? i don’t see anything they could logically judge you for.”

“i think we’ve both quickly realized that it often seems like there is no use of reason when it comes to criticism in the media.”

“touche, yj. still, i think you need to go for it. it’s a great event and you deserve the chance to experience it, especially with a boy you like. sure, you’ll have a bunch of other chances to go, but how many will you have to go with taehyun? he’ll be elated to have you as his partner, in crime or not.”

“i see soobin taught you how to give a pep talk.”

“nice to see that you still completely and totally lack respect, hyung. now, march out there and find hyun!”) 

“yeah. i think it’ll be fun,” yeonjun says firmly in the present day, trying to match taehyun’s joy (and setting down the fear and reluctant hope stirring in his gut).

“oh my god, yeah!” taehyun beams. “this’ll be so much better than going with a company, like no offense to them but i didn’t know anyone else they were partnered with. do you have any plans? i can help if you need anything! my friends and i have a lot of stuff from the past coup-”

there’s authentic enthusiasm rolling off of taehyun in waves at the mere prospect of them attending pride together, and the older blonde also finds himself beaming from ear to ear in an expression that grows to match the one on taehyun’s face. if you had told nineteen year old yeonjun that one day he would be openly attending the pride parade in new york city with a boy he had a crush on, he would have first denied being gay and then promptly laughed at the idea that he’d ever get to share such a thing. yeonjun thinks about that one quote taehyun showed him once, the one that goes “they always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself”, and he can’t help but recognize just how true it rings. yeonjun is really glad that he’s going, so glad in fact, that he decides that he owes huening kai a nice dinner the next time he sees the youngest boy for sparking this newfound effort (and he’s sure that if he treats kai, beomgyu will insist on coming along too). 

\--

“YEONJUN! JUN!”

“what!? taehyun, oh my gosh, are you okay?” yeonjun exclaims, rushing out into the living room, where taehyun is standing with his phone enclosed in his palm. there’s a smile etched across his face, and the younger boy is practically shining. “oh, you look happy. what’s up?” the older boy asks again.

“what would you think about gyu, soobin, and kai all coming to join us for pride?”

yeonjun immediately stops in his tracks, his eyes practically bulging off of his face at taehyun’s question. “they would do that? seriously?”

taehyun nods eagerly. “soobin’s drama wrapped and his next project doesn’t start until august, beomgyu has no photoshoots lined up for these two weeks, and kai is coming to LA for a cover the week before pride, so he said he could just fly here when he’s done! beomgyu is the one who figured out that they were all free and asked everyone, and now kai just called to tell me! okay, so, what do you think?”

yeonjun instantly knows why kai is the one who called, since he did know about yeonjun’s plan. he wanted to give yeonjun the chance to have his moment with taehyun, alone, but this is an opportunity yeonjun would never dream of glossing over. the blonde is agreeing without a second of hesitation, and taehyun seems to just beam more, if that’s even possible, at yeonjun’s agreement.

“oh my gosh, i can not believe this is happening!? and so soon too! maybe there is a god,” taehyun jokes, fervently typing on his phone, presumably to tell kai the good news.

“wait, taehyun, there is one issue,” yeonjun says suddenly, stepping forward. taehyun’s head shoots up at yeonjun’s words, quick to question what exactly the problem is.

“they don’t have good enough clothes,” the oldest claims, a smirk forming on his face.

taehyun’s eyes widen. “oh my god. well, we have a job to do, it seems.” 

\--

soobin and beomgyu arrive in tandem, both coming one week before the pride parade is set to be held. the two of them opt to stay in hotels rather than in taehyun’s apartment, but it’s a decision that both him and yeonjun welcome (their apartment was already far too small). kai arrives three days prior to the event, having just flown in from los angeles where he had been holed up in a studio, producing something new for his fans. that week is genuinely the most fun yeonjun has ever had in his entire life. it’s refreshing being the tour guide instead of the tourist, and he brings beomgyu and soobin to a bunch of his favorite places in the city (from restaurants to scenic spots to tons of places for activities). once kai flies in, the five of them go to a bar together (something that taehyun jokes “officially legitimizes their friendship”). yeonjun wakes up with a pounding headache the next day, and his whole body is sore (courtesy of a dance battle beomgyu challenges him to), but it’s so worth it for the night of fun they had.

eventually, the day of the parade comes, and the morning is wonderfully chaotic. everyone packs themselves into beomgyu and huening kai’s hotel room, which is closer to where the parade starts. kai pulls on a pair of jean shorts and a crop top, which he absolutely rocks (beomgyu wolf-whistles when he sees kai, who almost runs back into the bathroom that he came out of before taehyun shushes their slightly older friend). beomgyu wears a similar top to that of kai, but his is longer and he sports a pink wrap skort rather than a pair of shorts. soobin wears a striped black and white shirt with lightwash overalls that have a rainbow patch ironed on the front. yeonjun proudly shows off his black fishnet shirt and jean shorts, tying a rainbow bandana around his head, while taehyun manages to acquire a pair of rainbow sequin shorts and pairs them with a simple white muscle crop top.

“damn, maybe we should have been stylists instead of idols,” kai jokes when everyone is finally in their outfits.

“you didn’t even pick out your outfit! those clothes aren’t even yours, they’re mine!” yeonjun exclaims, but kai just pretends he doesn’t hear the oldest boy’s complaints.

eventually, all five of them clamber out of the hotel room. they end up a few blocks north of washington square park, positioning themselves on 8th street. they join in on a bunch of the things that the people they’re sitting nearby do, like having a brief photoshoot, dancing around, and getting some food and drinks to wind down towards the conclusion of their day. a couple of handfuls of people recognize them and approach to chat, which the five of them make sure to be exceptionally polite for. it’s been a while, and they’re still very grateful for how excited others still are to see them. everyone’s very respectful too, which is a treat, just looking to share a few words of encouragement rather than take photos. the weather was almost unbearable outside, june being the first wave of heat and humidity to hit new york, but the five of them sufficiently enjoy themselves despite that fact. it doesn’t dawn on yeonjun until later that it’s one of the first times that the five of them truly get to let loose in public, something so unabashedly freeing that he’s really upset when the day starts dwindling to an end, but they all grow weary and eventually set off for home. that night, the five of them pile into taehyun’s apartment despite its insufficient size, all of them just wanting to just be near one another. it’s a night that will forever live in their minds, almost defiantly so, because yeonjun can still see how that day from four years ago weighs on all of their minds. the world tried to break the five of them up, severing one of their pieces from the rest of the unit, but here they were years later, still together. yeonjun easily observes the pride that blossoms within all four of them from getting to observe this fully-realized version of taehyun in person. yeonjun sees it in the way soobin wraps a protective arm around taehyun for a majority of the day, in the way beomgyu twirls the shorter brunette around the street when songs start playing, and in the way that kai grabs taehyun to belt out the lyrics to some pop radio hits with him during their break for lunch. and yeonjun, god yeonjun is so proud of taehyun. getting to live beside the younger boy for the past year has been an absolute treat, because he gets to see the other’s tremendous growth on the daily, a process that is still fluid and ongoing. taehyun has made a name for himself by being just that, unapologetically who he is, and yeonjun is just so utterly grateful, because despite being three years younger, taehyun is the one who has taught yeonjun the most. taehyun’s taught yeonjun about courage, confidence, and without even knowing, about love. 

yeonjun doesn’t fall asleep when everyone else does that night. it’s 4:18 in the morning when taehyun emerges from the bedroom, sleepily rubbing at his eyes. the younger boy peeks out into the living room, where the overhead lamp is blaring down upon yeonjun’s frame, the yellowish tone of its light seeming almost blinding in nature to the freshly awoken boy. meanwhile, yeonjun is curled up on the couch, eyes firmly fixed on the newest tv show he had picked out to watch.

“yeonjun?” taehyun asks, and yeonjun jumps, startled.

“oh!” he yelps, before looking over and realizing who it is upon closer inspection. “oh, hi taehyun.”

“why aren’t you asleep, jun?”

“i just couldn’t. guess i had too much fun today,” yeonjun softly laughs. taehyun gives him a bleary smile before settling next to the older boy on the cushions, his petite frame engulfed by the mint green tee he is wearing.

“glad you enjoyed yourself. i’m really glad you came out with us today,” taehyun laughs. “and, well, yes in that way too, but you know what i mean.”

“yeah, i do. i’m glad i came out too, for both of those meanings,” yeonjun grins cheekily. 

the two turn back to the show that yeonjun had put on, and after several moments, taehyun just leans his head into yeonjun’s shoulder like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and for them, it kind of is. yeonjun can’t deny that his heart still flutters despite that fact, because while this is there normal, it’s also normal for yeonjun to have a crush on taehyun, even if it is a big one. and that’s the thing, because yeonjun still finds himself thinking at times that his crushes aren’t valid if they don’t end up manifesting in a relationship of sorts, and it’s so stupid and horribly incorrect, but it’s a pit he falls into nonetheless. because he’s gay, confronting a crush doesn’t just run yeonjun the risk of being rejected, but it also creates a greater chance for him to be openly shunned. yeonjun knows that taehyun would never do such a thing, that’s a truth as set in stone as the laws of gravity, but it’s why he’s kept his lips locked in front of every other crush he’s had, because yeonjun knew they would amass to nothing, so why bother? but this is taehyun, taehyun who holds entire galaxies in his eyes, taehyun who brings him dinner every time he goes out, taehyun who let yeonjun into his home during a time where turning anywhere else would have been practically unthinkable and even scarier for the older boy, taehyun who is always so understanding, taehyun who is simultaneously the best speaker and listener that yeonjun knows. yeonjun thinks his brain subconsciously decides to put taehyun’s skills in those two fields to the test, because the words are now tumbling out of yeonjun in an instant. 

“i have something to tell you.”

“what is it?” taehyun asks, unfazed as ever, but always ready with an open ear.

yeonjun, staring at the cushion in front of him rather than looking directly at taehyun, moves to rub at his knuckles, but the younger boy just grabs hold of his fingers. “you stop that,” taehyun chides softly. “what’s up? is something wrong?”

“no, just…” yeonjun laughs quietly. “i like someone.”

“oh?” taehyun’s voice starts low, increasing in pitch as he finishes the word. “are you fine with telling me who exactly, or?”

yeonjun closes his eyes, biting at his tongue, but not hard enough to puncture a wound and draw blood.

“you,” he utters. that word hovers in the space between them, almost like it’s the sun, and yeonjun think it just might be. the last year of his life has certainly orbited around taehyun, but so have the three where they were apart, and the two years of promoting together, and those other three years they trained side by side as well. so much of who yeonjun is has been defined in part by taehyun, by what he learned from the younger boy, what he grew to experience with him, and what he felt for him, amongst countless other things. admitting it was a double edged sword, one ready to either plunge into yeonjun’s heart and send him spiraling into the darkness, or one that could be pulled further away from his body, lightening the burden on his pounding chest.

taehyun doesn’t say anything for a few moments, collecting his words on his tongue. he looks like he’s mulling his response, trying to prepare what he’ll say, and within the hazy look in his eyes, there’s the telltale sign of recognition ever so present. it dawns upon yeonjun that huening kai might have been right all along. 

“you knew?” yeonjun asks, but it’s more like a statement than anything. taehyun, if he didn’t know, at least had an idea, and yeonjun was sure of that.

“i mean, i had an inkling i guess?”

“how? why didn’t you-”

“when you like someone, you observe them a lot, yeonjun. i’ve always been watching you, but,” taehyun pauses, looking to the side. “i just-- i just thought i was projecting at first.”

that halts yeonjun dead in its tracks. yeonjun feels the way his mind fills with smoke, ready to overheat and combust.

“wha-? you?”

“yeah. i guess i should just come out and say it. i like you too, jun,” taehyun plops down from the top of the couch, which he had been sitting on, to now stand square on the wood floor. “i just didn’t want to make things uncomfortable or anything, i mean, since you’re my roommate and all.”

yeonjun gapes once again. he’s aware of the fact that he’s absolutely floundering at the moment, but the blonde is knocked speechless against his own will. taehyun, noticing the turmoil the older boy is experiencing, continues to speak.

“i mean, i thought i was pretty obvious with the fact that i was flirting with you. i just thought you were, i don’t know, uninterested in taking it where i wanted it to go.”

that sets yeonjun off, allowing him to finally form somewhat coherent phrases. “uninterested? in you?”

“yeah?”

“you’re crazy. wait, does that mean you-” yeonjun pauses. “like me too?”

“i just admitted to flirting with you and you had to ask. who’s crazy now?” taehyun teases, and breaking the ice like that is so taehyun that it hurts and yeonjun is certainly overwhelmed, but he wouldn’t change a thing. “yeah, i like you, like like you in fact,” he cites another one of the terms he had taught yeonjun when the older boy had first moved in with him (the difference between liking someone and like liking someone was crucial, taehyun had insisted, and yeonjun merely brushed it off as another weird american phrase until now).

“wait, give me a second, i think my brain is melting.”

“uh, yeonjun--”

“no, really, i think my brain cells just died, or ran off. they don’t know what to do.”

“well, you could…i don’t know, maybe like agree to join me on a date sometime soon? no pressure though,” taehyun trails off and yes, yeonjun’s brain implodes right in that moment, but luckily his subconscious gathers itself for long enough to get out a proper response so he doesn’t lose the chance he’d been hoping for.

“i’d love to,” yeonjun breathes out, and that has taehyun softening in an instant.

“cool. i’m looking forward to it,” taehyun answers. he stands up, interlocks their hands, and gives the back of yeonjun’s knuckles a pat. “now, i’d love to stay and watch tv with you, cutie, but i think i need to sleep so my brain doesn’t end like yours,” he teases. “go to bed soon, yeonjun. i’ll see you in the morning.”

taehyun stops in the juncture between the hallway (leading to his bedroom) and the living room, turning back to where yeonjun is sitting, watching the younger go. “friday? 8 PM?”

“uh, yeah. i’m free,” yeonjun agrees and taehyun just grins.

“cool. good night, yeonjun. sleep well.”

“good night,” yeonjun whispers, and then the door to taehyun’s room is shutting. yeonjun sits there for a few moments, staring at the (ugly, taehyun always complained) taupe carpet covering every square inch of the apartment floors, but snaps out of his haze after a few seconds.

“am i dreaming?” he questions, going to pinch himself on the arm. “ow! okay, not a dream. wait, oh my god.”

yeonjun goes to bed when it turns 6:00 in the morning, at which he finally shuts off the tv and types out a rundown of the entire situation to kai. when he wakes up at 11 o’clock later that same day, kai is standing above his bed, smirking as yeonjun’s alarm goes off. yeonjun, still terribly tired, just groans.

“i stand corrected, i should have been a matchmaker, not a stylist or idol.”

“oh, shut up. can you not be annoying about everything?” yeonjun asks, and kai shakes his head too eagerly.

“of course not! oh, and, you totally owe me,” the youngest grins, and yeonjun makes a big show out of sighing dramatically, but he knows that kai is right. he was now willing to buy the younger boy whatever he wanted, because nothing could even compare to what a date with taehyun was worth, as cheesy as it sounded.

taehyun wakes up at one o’clock that afternoon, a time by which everyone has heard of his upcoming plans with yeonjun (remind yeonjun to never tell kai any of his secrets ever again). when taehyun pads out of his room, still in his pajamas, he enters the living room to a cluster of 4 people, all of which are gazing at him with anticipation. taehyun rubs at his eyes, almost as if he’s making sure the picture before him, one of their four mirrored stares, is accurate.

the young brunette just ends up shooting yeonjun a wink, which sets the other three members off, all giggling like school girls.

“wow. so does anyone want to hear my super top secret thing that happened last night and you all clearly have no idea about?” taehyun jokes, and all yeonjun can do is shoot the other boy a sympathetic smile, something the younger instantly reciprocates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi <3 i'm back with this chapter! first of all, here are some notes.
> 
> 1\. the song yeonjun writes for taehyun (which is one of many that he has actually written, we'll just never catch a glimpse of the others) is called "querencia" which is supposedly defined as "a place from which one's strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self" and it just felt so perfect for taejun.  
> 2\. yes, i added minor beomkai to the tags. to be honest, this was a total spur of the moment kind of deal, but they're definitely dating here and everyone totally knows but isn't saying anything because they want to wait until beomkai themselves are comfortable enough to come forward with it. once i thought of beomkai being an item, i just threw in subtle little hints. i'm telling you all this because (spoiler alert, i guess) the rest of the members aren't as big of a focal point in the last chapter as they are in this one. i just had to write an ot5 reunion and they had to go to nyc pride (which i miss tremendously, take me back smh). anyways, beomkai is alive and well in this universe and i'm sort of interested in writing a spinoff where i tell their story? however, i'm not quite sure yet if that's something i'll actually do. let me know if you're interested.  
> 3\. i've finally let taejun get together in this fic!! woo!!!! it's about damn time tbh.  
> 4\. yes, yeonjun went on the trevor project to get advice on what to do about his crush, just like i did like four (?) years ago. is it really one of my fics if i'm not somehow adding elements of my own life into their stories? no, it's not. my brain cells are quite jumbled, if you can't tell by how i'm rambling here.
> 
> wow, that was a lot of notes, just like this is a very long chapter! well, maybe not for some people, but for me, this is longest chapter i've ever posted besides one one-shot i wrote. therefore, this chapter is really near and dear to my heart, but simultaneously, i almost considered cancelling this story because i was too nervous to post this for some reason. like all of my chapters, there are some parts i'm happy with and others i'm not, but i think that's just life. i'll never get characterization perfect, or dialogue, or anything really, but i'm practicing and that counts for something, i hope. thank you all so much for reading. i hope you're doing well and i really appreciate all the support, it genuinely makes my day whenever i wake up to comments. if you want more taejun content, you can check out some of the other stories i've written! i aim to feed taejunists because we're in a drought over here <3
> 
> take care! <3  
> twitter: @DECALCOMONlA


	4. part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the texting portion, the bold words are yeonjun's texts and the italicized ones are taehyun's. just thought i'd mention that so that no one gets confused!

“ _yeonjun? you're out? i just got home,_ ” taehyun’s message reads. yeonjun, having just whipped his phone out of his pocket, reads the time stamp next to the text bubble. it’s from an hour ago.

“shit,” yeonjun mutters, thumbs flying across his keyboard as he rushes to reply to his boyfriend.

𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗵, 𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀.

taehyun replies in an instant. _it's okay. what are you doing? i have some dinner for you, if you can make it back quick._

𝘀𝗼, 𝘂𝗵 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗻𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁…  
𝗶 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸?  
𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱𝘀 𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗸, 𝘀𝗼 𝗶 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁?  
𝗶 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘂𝗽 𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸.

taehyun types three periods as a response. yeonjun can feel the younger boy’s exasperation through the screen.

𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱.

_i can be there in twenty minutes with food if you want. up for a picnic?_

𝗶𝘁’𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗸 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻.

_have you forgotten that there is always a streetlight within a five foot radius here?_

𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹, 𝗶 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰.  
𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗻𝗶𝗰 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻. 𝗶 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄.

_idiot._  
_will do, see you there._  
_wait for me. <3_

𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗼 <𝟯

true to his word, taehyun arrives to the park a mere twenty five minutes later. he’s holding a picnic blanket under his right arm and a neon pink tote bag in the other, which appears to be weighed down with tupperware. yeonjun’s mouth waters at the premise of food, as he had wandered off quite a while ago, so the thought of dinner had him eagerly celebrating taehyun’s arrival. “what did you bring me?” the older blonde asks once his boyfriend is within earshot, eyes wide.

“yeah, nice to see you too,” taehyun rolls his eyes as yeonjun steals the bag from his grasp. “i got us japanese. sashimi, actually. there’s a new place that opened right next to my journalism class. gosh, i still have to type up that article that's due on monday, but that’s a problem for a later version of me,” the brunette comments as he finishes setting down the blanket. yeonjun sits down first, and taehyun then sprawls out on top of him, placing his head in yeonjun’s lap. “feed me," the younger whines. "please. i can not physically muster up the energy to move.”

“you’re so bossy, you big baby,” yeonjun cheekily chides the younger, but uncovers the container and holds out a piece of fish to his boyfriend nonetheless. “come on, open up big, ahhh~” the older boy prompts, and taehyun complies easily, munching happily on his meal.

“you eat up too. i got that one sushi roll you like too, but i can't remember the name of it for the life of me though. i’m so tired,” taehyun groans.

“you really didn’t have to come out here, you know. i was going to come back soon anyway hyun.”

“no, no, it’s nice out here. plus, i wanted to see you right away,” taehyun pouts slightly. “missed you this morning.”

“yeah, sorry about that,” yeonjun leans down to place a chaste kiss on the brunette’s lips. “i stayed up too late last night. i didn’t wake up until like one o’clock and by then, you were gone.”

“it’s okay, just missed seeing you,” taehyun mumbles, opening his mouth again so that yeonjun can feed him, something the older boy does immediately. “i can’t believe i came here with food for you and yet you’re feeding me. there's some irony there.”

“don't worry, i’m sure you will be able to repay me someday-- actually, i’m sure you already have. you’ve had to feed me a lot lately.”

“that's true, and i expect your debt to be paid to me in full, with interest. i accept kisses as a form of payment, in addition to cash and food,” the younger boys gives his boyfriend a lazy wink.

“what about the two of us go out to lunch tomorrow?” yeonjun offers, carding a hand through taehyun’s fluffy brown locks. “you do your assignment in the morning, and then take a break so we can go eat.”

“it’s a date,” taehyun agrees, eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment. yeonjun lets him rest, knowing how tiring college could be for the boy. the sun is now almost fully set, the sky fading into a color that’s between a dark blue and purple. yeonjun finishes up the sashimi, occasionally extending out pieces to give to taehyun here and there, and it’s so awfully domestic, so _them_ , that yeonjun’s heart clenches a little. eventually, the sky turns almost jet black in color, and taehyun is somehow more awake than he was half an hour ago (the younger boy had become a master of the ten minute power nap--cat nap if you will-- over time, as university will do to you). with it rapidly becoming later and later, the couple begin to pack up their things and ready themselves to leave the park.

“carry me,” taehyun dramatically proposes to yeonjun, leaning into the older boy. he’s clearly teasing, eyes far less hazy and way more alert now, but yeonjun still placates his boyfriend. after shoving the blanket and cloth bag into the brunette’s hands, he swiftly picks up taehyun in a bridal-style position, an action which sets the younger off giggling. they walk like that for a few minutes until yeonjun can’t carry taehyun any further and sets the smaller boy down on the path, but for those few moments, they’re an absolute sight. two laughing boys, one in an oversized black bucket hat (yeonjun) and the other in a large red beret (taehyun, he did just come from class after all, and NYU could definitely be considered a dress-to-impress atmosphere of sorts), coming down the sidewalk in each other’s arms. the two of them certainly catch a few sideways glances and even a couple of flat-out stares from various passersby, and yeonjun doesn’t know if it’s because they’re being recognized or if it’s because he’s literally carrying taehyun down the block, but he finds that he really doesn’t care. the bliss that yeonjun is experiencing doesn’t erase the fears nor the doubt that yeonjun does still hold deep within, things that will never truly leave him, but it definitely manages to overshadow these feelings. in moments like these, that is enough for the older boy.

\--

“is having a museum date like, a new york rite of passage?” yeonjun asks as they’re crossing one of the last streets they must trudge down before finally reaching the large, white building that they’ve been eyeing for blocks. it was still quite funny to yeonjun how something as simple as walking took some getting used to in new york. he had certainly bumped in to more than his fair share of people during his first couple weeks in the city, but eventually, he learned to just stumble along with the rest of the cramped crowd, as he and taehyun were currently doing as they shuffled towards their destination-- the metropolitan museum of art.

“i think you’ve been watching too many romcoms, junie,” the younger boy chuckles at the older boy's question, tapping the soft pads of his fingertips against yeonjun's.

“but in theory?”

“in theory, yes, this is quite a milestone for us. i’m finally taking you to feast your eyes on a hoard of old greco-roman paintings.”

“that’s kind of gay,” yeonjun wisecracks.

“how so?”

“well, the greeks had sappho and achilles,” the older boy supplies, very matter of fact. taehyun just nods affirmatively.

“you make a great point,” the younger boy concedes.

“i know, gosh, it’s so hard to be this intelligent,” yeonjun playfully goats, earning him an elbow in the side from taehyun. his arm is looped through the taller boy’s, as per usual.

“i can’t believe i have to put up with your narcissism. i am not paid enough for this,” taehyun complains, but pulls yeonjun closer after the older boy had flinched away due to the physical jab taehyun gifted his ribcage with. yeonjun considers calling out his boyfriend's hypocrisy in his mannerisms, but who is he to complain when he's the beneficiary of it, so he merely sidles up closer to his boyfriend.

“ah, time for me to be a gentleman and pay for your ticket, i see,” yeonjun extends, disguising his plan as a peace offering, but in reality, he was just always willing to treat taehyun.

“oh no, you don-”

“i insist,” yeonjun mockingly curtsies, to which taehyun giggles.

“well, as a college student, i certainly do not mind the extra cash that i'll get to keep from not buying this ticket.”

“you say that as if you are some common uni student and not a youtuber with a multi million follower count.”

“hey, you know that i'm taking a break from videos, and tuition is still deadly. i'll take whatever i can get.”

“it’s your fault for picking NYU,” yeonjun states, and there's deep truth to his words (i mean, it was over $50,000 a year for mere tuition, let alone factoring in the price of living on the island of manhattan. NYU's prices were notoriously exorbitant for a reason), taehyun defends his decision to attend said school.

“but it’s some gay connection thing, you know. i just had to go to NYU.”

“a gay mating ritual?"

“exactly, like my soul calls out to them--” taehyun plays along with yeonjun's train of thought.

“wait, does this also explain why we ended up in the same group?” the older boy teases.

“yep. it was the gay in us. like recognizes like,” taehyun deadpans, but a contrasting smile slowly works its way across his face.

“a truly enlightening conclusion," yeonjun wraps up their banter, but as they walk the last final feet to the actual museum front, he begins to switch the topic. "so, you have any exhibits in particular you want to show me?”

“well, there’s an interactive one on the nature of color, if you’d like to check that out. it’s new, so it’s the only thing i haven’t seen here, but i’ll take you to the famous stuff, of course. you know, give you that classic new york tourist experience.”

“i literally live here--” yeonjun protests, but taehyun has none of it. the younger boy took great joy in being considered the new york "local" out of the two of them.

“okay, expat,” the brunette sasses.

“you’re one too?” yeonjun rolls his eyes, but lets taehyun lead him to the ticket entrance nonetheless. yeonjun, as promised, pays for taehyun’s ticket and drops his change into the tin sitting by the window after seeing that the money will be donated to a wildlife organization. the picture of a fox on the front of the metal can is what sells the older boy. taehyun grins up at yeonjun upon noticing this small gesture.

“still a sweetheart, of course. i'd expect nothing less from you,” taehyun praises.

“i must help my fox brethrens, you know, after all they’ve done for my career,” yeonjun turns back to the donation tin as they leave, casting one last glance at it as they depart into the main hall of the museum.

“well, let’s get going. we have to get to the third floor, since there’s a monet piece there that i'm forcing you to see. gosh, it’s gorgeous.”

“when did you become an art critic?” yeonjun asks, intrigued by the younger boy's enthusiasm as the two of them walk down the museum's corridors, their footsteps echoing on the shiny vinyl floors.

“NYU changes you, it really does,” taehyun comments with a bright grin. “now, come on! we have so much to see.”

they end up in an empty elevator together, a rarity that yeonjun makes sure to comment on. “even the elevator in our apartment isn’t this empty,” he breathes out in shock as he presses the button for the third floor. the number 3 is printed on it the plastic button in peeling white paint, which has clearly been affected by the test of time. it's a quirk that a lot of things in the city share, but nevertheless, yeonjun finds it quite charming.

taehyun grins, quickly shuffling in closer. “a treat for us i guess. maybe the universe is trying to tell us something?” he asks, but the younger boy knows very well that the only reason it's so empty is because it's a wednesday-- the two of them had decided on this impromptu trip right after taehyun had wrapped up his slew of morning classes.

“that we should play the elevator game?” yeonjun bats his eyelashes with faux innocence, but he’s clearly anticipating taehyun’s next move, who thankfully doesn’t disappoint. the younger boy’s smile just widens before he’s curling his nimble fingers around yeonjun’s notched collar, pulling in the older boy for a kiss.

it’s not their first, nowhere near close to it, but yeonjun would attest to the fact that it feels just as new and exciting as it did the first time. it sends warmth shooting down the blonde’s spine, and taehyun’s lips are oh so soft, slightly sticky and shiny too from the gloss he applied that afternoon. (“strawberry, your favorite,” the brunette had winked at a flustered yeonjun right before they left their shared apartment).

somehow, taehyun manages to make the shortest amounts of time, the moments that should be fleeting, all feel special. they’re in the elevator for no more than twenty seconds while it travels from the basement to the third floor of the museum, but yeonjun could write a novel about this kiss, just like he could for every other one they have shared. it’s so tender, and they’re both chasing that feeling-- that enchanting, numbing sensation-- until the last possible second. they don’t separate until the elevator beeps, signaling that it has reached their destination and that the doors are about to open. yeonjun’s lips have reddened a slight amount, and he wipes at them self-consciously as a force of habit. taehyun’s breathing is evening out, and then he’s tugging yeonjun out of the elevator and down the grand hallway to their desired painting of choice. the two walk around for a few hours, mere centimeters of space between their bodies as they are pressed together at every moment, without anyone there to order them to do otherwise (one of the things they both certainly did not miss about being an idol). yeonjun begins to whine sometime around the two hour mark, and when taehyun promises him more kisses if he just goes to one more exhibit, the older boy is suddenly standing up much straighter with the promise of such a deal. taehyun shoots yeonjun a wink before grabbing at his wrist once again, and they’re then off to see even more art before their eventual departure. despite the collections of paintings being the supposed focal point of their visiot, yeonjun encounters more than a few instances that day where he just finds himself staring at the younger brunette boy in all of his glory, with his beauty that rivalved that of any of the pieces they were observing.

yeonjun tells taehyun just that on the steps of the museum (very gossip girl of them, taehyun makes sure to note. he’s evidently a big fan of eric van der woodsen), making sure to play up the cheesiness of that line. taehyun makes sure to call the older boy out on his flattery before he's leaning in again, capturing yeonjun's lips in another kiss. someone snaps a photo and it ends up being broadcasted across social media the next day (although some fans try to stop the spread of the picture, calling it an invasion of privacy, bless their hearts), but yeonjun ends up being shockingly unfazed by the transpiring events. he has a boyfriend, one who laughs at his dumb jokes, one who goes on adventures with him at any time of the day, one who kisses him breathless, one who does all of the right things with the motivating factor of being able to make yeonjun feel loved, and that's really the best thing that the older boy could ever ask for.

yeonjun really didn’t think he would ever get here, that he would manage to get to this point in his life where could he experience this openly. this level of pure happiness is new territory for the older boy, uncharted waters of sorts, but yeonjun knows he has taehyun to explore this new world with, and for that, he’s incredibly grateful.

\--

“so, i think you’ve all seen the headlines by now, and yes, they are true,” yeonjun starts explaining after taehyun finishes his brief intro. taehyun, despite the fact that he should be following yeonjun's lead and looking into the camera lens, has his eyes firmly planted on his boyfriend as the older boy speaks.

“we didn’t want to make our relationship very public at first since we were still adjusting, but now that it has come out, we figured it was best that you guys actually hear it from us,” taehyun continues, finally turning so that he can face the front and the video camera they're both sitting in front of.

“so yes! as of three months, almost four at this point, we are together!” taehyun exclaims, and that's that.

“and the shippers go wild,” taehyun jokes, throwing his arms into the air. he'll be sure to edit raucous cheers over this clip in his upcoming video in order to poke fun at his followers, but his comment earns him a hit on the chest from yeonjun. “hey! this is my channel! stop it!”

“i am so sorry for your viewers.”

“i’m not, they signed up for this kind of thing. anyways!” taehyun smiles. “yeah, i think those pictures of us at the met from two weeks ago were telling enough.”

“you never know, i could have said ‘no homo’ before we kissed. it could have just been something between broskis, for all they know,” yeonjun says mockingly, and taehyun smiles fondly at the boy, but his sickly sweet tone betrays any sense of civility that he was acting with.

“i will kick you out of my apartment if you don't stop being a normie.”

yeonjun gasps. “i am finally assimilating into new york culture and this is the treatment i get? i do not appreciate your hypocrisy.”

“yeonjun, love, ‘broski’ is not exactly the peak of the english language,” taehyun finishes, getting yeonjun to crack yet another smile.

“i can not believe we were accused of being the ones with the least chemistry back in the day when we’re delivering this quality banter. do you see how far we’ve come, guys?”

“character development,” taehyun laments. “yeonjun has finally gained a personality around me.”

the older boy holds a hand over his chest in mock offense. “why was i the one who was lacking? what if it was you?”

“i’ve always just been full of charisma, i couldn’t possibly have been the problem. by default, it must have been you, jun.”

“see what i deal with?” yeonjun stops looking at his boyfriend to stare into the camera like he’s on the office, ignoring the brunette’s cries as he attempts to refute yeonjun’s claims. “i really do not understand why you all are here. but, you know, please consider staying so we can keep paying rent.”

“oh yes, the joys of capitalism,” taehyun states blankly. “okay, seriously now, look at me you doofus,” he orders, shuffling in once yeonjun turns, so that their foreheads are now pressed together. “hi,” the brunette giggles.

yeonjun smiles right back. “hi.”

“okay, is that the content you guys wanted?” taehyun turns back to the camera. “yes, we are complete fools, but we’re in love, so do what you will with that. i just thought you guys deserved to hear that from me. and uh,” taehyun separates himself from yeonjun, but keeps his hand on the older boy’s knee. “i just wanted to say thank you. some of you have been supporting me for literal years at this point, putting up with my shenanigans, and i don’t know how to genuinely express just how thankful i am for that. i don’t think i’ll ever be able to do any of you justice, be able to give you what you deserve for providing me with so much love. seriously, i would be nothing without you all. thank you for giving me a chance-- for some of you that being a second chance, but for others it was a first. no matter when you joined my world, i cherish you. i love all of you guys,” the younger boy finishes, voice full of sincerity.

yeonjun, even though he has watched taehyun film dozens of videos, is always blown away by how personable the younger boy is. he has this innate ability to connect with others, even when he’s merely talking to a camera, because he knows his audience. he’s always interacting with them across social media, juggling a handful of different platforms at once, just because he wants to be providing anyone who has ever taken the time to uplift his career with as much love as he can. taehyun was born to be a role model, yeonjun decides. there’s no person with more compassion, more understanding, across the entire world.

“do you want to say anything, junie?” taehyun asks, looking back over at his boyfriend, eyes wide and full of emotion. he’s slightly tearing up but there’s also so much joy in those brown orbs that yeonjun finds himself melting a little on the inside.

“yeah, uh, i’ll be good to taehyun everyone. please do not come after me with pitchforks,” he jokes, and taehyun lightly slaps him for that, but yeonjun continues undisturbed. “no, seriously, you guys have a gem here, but i’m sure you know that,” the older boy turns to taehyun. “he deserves all of this, every bit of this success, and i’m really so lucky to be able to celebrate all of this with him publicly. it’s more than i could have ever asked for.”

they’re both pink in the face by the end of the video, eyes welling up with unshed tears, but once taehyun clicks the “off” button on his camcorder, the brunette lets out a wet laugh. he turns to yeonjun, who is still perched on the edge of taehyun’s bed, and moves to sit on the older boy’s legs. yeonjun lets out a low grunt as he gets adjusted to taehyun’s weight, with the younger boy now leaning on him, but taehyun just shuffles in closer. the brunette takes yeonjun’s jaw in his hands, turning it so that they’re looking straight on at one another. taehyun lightly knocks his forehead against yeonjun's, a fresh tear slipping down his cheek as he says “i am so, so, so in love with you. gosh, i really hope that you do know that.”

\--

the roof of their apartment becomes one of yeonjun and taehyun's favorite spots very quickly. they’re not supposed to be up there per se, but their other fellow tenants do it all the time, so the couple eventually decides to join in on the fun. the door leading out to the top of the building is always left slightly ajar with a rock or piece of wood (if it closes, the alarm will go off and the door will lock shut, stranding them up there, so they resolve to be very careful in setting up that makeshift door stopper), and there are already a circle of lawn chairs set up on the concrete rooftop. taehyun informs yeonjun that the chairs belong to the lovely elderly couple on the second floor, who yeonjun once helped with bringing their groceries up the stairs when the elevator had broken. the two of them have made it a part of their routine to spend evenings up on the roof, with taehyun on his laptop finishing up old assignments or reading e-textbook pages before getting distracted and stealing yeonjun’s book for a few minutes (which the older boy snatches back after a short while so that his younger boyfriend will finish his godforsaken assignment). tonight is a tiny bit different though, since taehyun had just wrapped up some of his fall midterms, and henceforth, he had a short break from schoolwork for the time being. yeonjun proposes that they go stargaze, so the two of them find themselves huddled up at the ledge bordering the end of the roof. it’s late october by this point, so new york has grown to be quite chilly, a fact that leads taehyun to decide on wearing a scarf on the trip up to their evening hangout spot of choice. their apartment is mildly tall, so while the two of them can look over the top of some neighboring buildings, there are also a few taller ones that box them in. still, they can make out the water from a little ways away, and gaze up at the sky. the city isn’t the place for stargazing at all, with so much light pollution that you can barely make out anything except a few white dots in the sky, but despite these facts, it's still incredibly nice to be up on the roof. the air is much less stuffy out there than it is in their apartment, where the heat has been blowing in periodically through their old, white steam heater. the pleasant atmosphere, while not quiet, makes yeonjun feel exceptionally comfortable, especially with the way taehyun slots his hand into yeonjun’s bigger palm, interlocking their fingers in one confident motion. they’re both silent for a few moments, enjoying the way the wind is softly flowing through their hair, until the younger brunette eventually speaks up with a thought of his own.

“you know, i once said that you’ll always have a place in my home if that’s what you wanted,” taehyun trails off. “and i was right, as always, but i think i just understand a little more now,” the brunette turns, turning to look up at yeonjun, who gets a little choked up just from the way his boyfriend is looking at him. the expression on taehyun's face is impossibly fond, and the older blonde boy knows that he is so, so blessed, he could never dream of having better circumstances than this.

“you are my home," taehyun finishes resolutely. "that’s why you’ll always have a place with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new has come to an end, and it's so bittersweet to me. this story is my baby. i genuinely loved writing this and i hope you found some enjoyment in reading it! thank you for all the kind words and support. i am endlessly grateful.
> 
> leave a comment/kudos if you want, i love to hear your guys' thoughts! it's been a joy to write for you all. take care.  
> twitter: @DECALCOMONlA


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